Posted in comedy, idk., News

Whipped Cream was on Sale.

So, on my break from the dusty hell that is Dollarama, I went over to the grocery store and bought some goddamn $5 Ontario strawberries. Yes, poor money choices… I am going to end up homeless if I continue to spend like this… I know I know. But anyway, I had to go back to work right after bought said strawberries. SO, I shoved them in my backpack to let them get real smooshy.

After work, I decided something was going to be missing from my night. I already had my berries, but where was the cream? Not in my backpack, that’s for sure. On my walk across the bright ass parking lot into the darkness, I stopped in at Food Basics. Where, knew there was whipped cream on sale. This was to be the theoretical cherry atop my sundae. Or, just you know the whipped cream on top… who actually eats the cherries on top anyway?

Getting off topic here, as I walked into a very-empty-and-kind-of-depressing Ancaster Food Basics I started to think of ways I could explain why I was buying just a singular can of whip cream at 9:30 at night.

Here, are my overzealously (probably not a word) thought ways to explain my singular whipped cream canister.

  • The truth, I was using it to be eaten with my $5 strawberries. Just reminding you that I am crazy and bought $5 strawberries.
  • The obvious, to anyone under 30. Some sort of whipped cream *bikini maybe* sex act. I should look into this now, for… research.
  • I was buying it for my dying grandmother as her last wish.
  • I had just gotten dumped and planned on just squirting it in my mouth all night. But, the major plot hole in this excuse is if I had really been planning on doing this with the cream, I would need like 4 or 5 cans to mask my feelings with a sugar high.
  • Katy Perry circa “California Gurls music video” tit canisters.

Once the whipped cream and I locked eyes, I knew it was meant to be… Until I looked at the price. $4 for name brand or $2.49 for on-sale-no-name-brand, I had already spent $5 on goddamn strawberries *which were still being smooshed in my backpack by a tiny bag of “got to keep them alive until payday” cat food* so I was not at liberty to spend whatever I please on whipped cream.

Plus, I am a cheap bastard by nature.

So, me and the on sale *not “light less sugar diet shit air” * whipped cream strolled up to the cashier and I put it on the counter. The cashier looked at me funny. Then I looked at her, then she looked from the lonely can of cream to me and back to the cream. I knew what she was thinking. Being me, I blurted out… “I have strawberries I swear” and she looked at me and smiled, “I’m glad you said that, because my mind was going… well where yours was too probably.” And she was right. So, I paid, not before blabbering incessantly at her and reassuring her of the existence of the strawberries, and walked out the sliding doors.

That is the end of this weird little story. I just felt this needed to be shared for some reason. So, bye.

*blares California Gurls in her room, alone, with ($5) strawberries and whipped cream falling out of her mouth as she lip syncs and dances around her room*

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Posted in comedy, idk., News

Residual Leprechaun Magic.

Hello there blog, it’s your favorite redhead here… *who never posts*

As many of you know, it was St.Patricks Day on Friday, and aside from drunkenness it also represents Ireland and luck and such. Luck + Ireland = Leprechauns.

Anyway, I think there may have been some sort of a mix-up after the St.Paddy’s shenanigans because here I am in the Hamilton Public Library surrounded by not one, but TWO other redheads. Naturally, the first reason that pops into my head is magical.

You see, I believe that these other redheads are secretly Leprechauns who neglected to go back to the rainbow-land (where leprechauns live) because they were too damn hungover to care. Makes sense right?

No, not really Alicia… You sound insane as usual.

Now, here I sit, in a trifecta of ginger magic thinking I missed a memo or something because when I walked into the HPL today to do some school work… I did not expect to see some of my fellow two-percent.

In order to have red hair, a person must possess the MC1R gene, which is recessive and only occurs in about 2 percent of the world’s population, says the National Institutes of Health.

Pleasantness.

Anyway, I just felt this was something you needed to know.

Bye.

 

Posted in idk., News, prompts suck

Turn it around.

Hello there, I’m back and bored.

I want to write but all my posts are usually shit and I do not have any more ideas. I want to “turn this blog around dammit” but I have no content and to be honest, I like to complain to the internet about my useless problems.

So here I am trying to write a coherent blog post that is not only funny but witty and well thought out.

(this is improbable knowing my brain)

impossible*

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I did not write one of my usual “love sucks” posts dumping and shitting on everything  good and holy as I traditionally do. To be honest (again) I do not really hate the whole idea of Valentines and love and such anymore. I am trying to be a more positive person so yeah it’s not so bad.

Also, I kind-of-but-not-really have a “person” who makes me happy.

Valentines Day is still kind of stupid in the expensive gifts and social constructs that surround the day, but nonetheless I enjoy the puns and excessive amount of discounted candy on February 15.

*new topic being poorly transitioned into* I am in the library again. Surprise.

There is a book on the large print shelf to my left that is by a person named DICK WOLF and it is in big white letters (times new roman font looking) with a black background and I am 12 so every time I look at it in my peripheral vision I giggle a little.

I want cake.

Gooey, ooey chocolate cake filled with cherries and no icing just the way I like it.

Oh god I know what my plans are tonight now, I am going to make a cake and eat probably half of it in one sitting while watching… something. Also my cat will be there.

I would be an awesome wife I would make boredom craving cakes all the time. Wife me.

I don’t really want to post this because it is also sort of shit but oh well here we go.

BYE..

 

Posted in comedy, idk., News

Let’s Break some Resolutions!

So.

It’s 2017.

I had started to write another post last year (hahhahaha) in 2016 about my new year’s resolutions and how my 2016 was. BUT I was just trying to finish it this morning in 2017 and it didn’t feel good so here I am writing a brand spankin new blog post for 2017, starting the year off right.

I am sick, and I spent my New Year’s Eve with friends, I’ll let you try and decipher if these “friends” were feline or not.  Hint: they were.

I did not kiss anyone again.

Surprise.

But anyway, let’s just get on to the resolutions that I am sure to break in this new year, probably within the first month.

  • Remember its 2017 now, and write the correct year on things.
  • Try not to become a mutant Godzilla-like thing and destroy a whole city.
  • Learn to drive. Get G2, time is running out, you only have three years left until your G1 expires.
  • Move out? Or become able to…
  • Anxiety controlling, because I was one of the seemingly millions of people who figured out they have anxiety in 2016. Now I have to figure out how to handle it.
  • Do well in school and enjoy learning.
  • Get in a Relationship? (lol)
  • Fall in Love with Everything I Can.

Now that that’s over, let’s see how I did with last year’s resolutions…

_________________________________________________________________

  1. As always, to try my very best to not go completely insane one day and become so possessed by anger that I become some sort of redheaded gorilla and attack a city.

Did I do? I think I can check this one off, I may have been a little crazy at points in 2016, but there was no gorilla-ing happening.

  1. Write more.

I think I did this one, I wrote and at least tried to be a good blog owner. Tried.

  1. Graduate High school.

Fuck yeah, I did this one, as commemorated by this horrid but like cute
picture my dad took of me accepting a random piece of paper that wasn’t even my diploma it was just paper.

GRADUATING.jpg

  1. Change; just a little bit. (I know I will do this, it happens every year.)

Yup.

  1. Maybe find a boy to hypnotize and drug so he will fall in love with my beautiful monkey of a self and become my boyfriend. (There’s always got to be a completely unattainable one — I will be just as single next year as I am now.) *Laugh-cries*

Working on it.

  1. Snuggle my cats against their free will more.

You know I did this one.

  1. Idk do something cool.

Yeah, I did some cool stuff in 2016.

_________________________________________________________________

Anyway, I don’t know how to end this as usual, but thank you to anyone who read this blog at all in 2016, all three of you 😛

 

Posted in News

Hello!

Hello WordPress!

My name is Alicia and I try to write funny posts about my life from time to time.

I am new to this platform (former Blogger blog writer) and I would appreciate if you could bear with me as I try and figure out this very confusing new thing.

Feel free to sit down and stay awhile. 🙂