It’s 12:36 am on January 5, 2017 and I need to talk. I can’t sleep so I was organizing files on my computer and stumbled upon an old blog post about what love means to me. I was 15-ish when I wrote this so naturally I knew nothing and my views on what love is have changed drastically.
Here, is a new 18-almost-19-year-old’s perspective on love.
Specifically, Romantic Love.
Romantic love for me is not really anything you can sense, you just feel it after a while. When you notice it, you can no longer put it in the background. It turns into this semi annoying billboard in your face blinking obnoxiously and won’t let it go until you tell the person. Some people are good at ignoring it and can wait for years until they finally let their feelings out. I am not one of these people. When I realize I love someone I see the billboard and it bothers me infinitely. There’s just one problem with this. I cannot say I love you to people out loud and such. I do not know why maybe I haven’t found the right person or something but my vocal cords seize up and I just make guttural sounds like a whale and kind of flap my arms around. Usually when I do this the person I was supposedly in love with asks if I am having a stroke and I must assure that I am fine. Usually.
Anyway, just like everyone seemingly, I do not know what love is exactly or if I have ever been truly “in it” so to speak.
Here are some things that show love for me. (romantically)
*I did this in the other post (go read it) and they were all superficial and not really in line with my values anymore*
Here is the revised version.
It will be funnier if you go read the old post I promise.
- I don’t need good morning texts, I understand in the morning (noon) you are probably not coherent enough to make a bowl of cereal let alone remember to text me. Besides, by the time you get up it will be the afternoon most likely and I will have been up since 8am.
- You can still hold my umbrella if you want to lose a finger. I do not relinquish control easily.
- Laughter is still essential. Relationship or not. Laugh.
- Fighting is also still a thing that needs to happen, I am non-confrontational though so it will be interesting… But important to abide by the old saying “don’t go to bed angry”
- To quote my unusually and uncharacteristically deep 15-year-old self; “Be Yourself, and give this person the tools to hurt you (open up to them) and hope to god they don’t use them” If I am honest, I have probably given people all the ammunition I have against me and it has yet to be used. Let’s hope it stays this way.
- Dates are still a thing that should be practiced. But cuddling and watching a movie with takeout is also acceptable most of the time.
- Knowing a person’s favourite flower and chocolate is always just a nice thing to know it shows interest. In fact, find anything and everything out about your sweetheart. Find the broken gears and the weird quirks it will bring the two of you closer than physically possible.
- I will still accept sweaters as a form of payment.