Posted in comedy, lovey-dovey shit

Single Pringles

*fun fact* My favorite (aka the best and only one that should exist) Pringles flavor is Sour Cream and Onion, just like my dad!

Hello blog. If you know anything about me, you know that I am not the luckiest in the ways of *love*. I’m quite shit at it actually. I fall fast, I throw myself into people who don’t care half as much, and I generally just am clueless when it comes to the whole situation. The worst part of it all is that no matter how hard I try to push it down, I am a hopeless (in every sense of the word) romantic.

Yes, I love love. Or, the idea of it anyways…

This being said, I am also okay with being alone. Contradictory right?

Today, I got dumped-without-actually-dating-the-person-because-they-have-commitment-issues yet again. Third time around for me actually… This is not going to be a post bashing him and every minuscule fault he may have had though, I’m kinda tired of drama and reaching for exes – been there, done that

This post is going to be an ode to singularity, showcasing all the amazing and downright blissful sides of being “alone.”

First, let’s talk about the term “being alone” because if you are anything like me… being single and being alone are two very different things. Single is the absence of a romantic partner, while alone means having nobody. I am lucky enough to have a best friend who I love and I know she will probably never leave me and we will be old ladies living out our days in Squamish, BC. I also have an amazing group of friends aside from this one who help me with many different opinions and takes on how to handle life. I have my family, and most importantly I have two beautiful kitties (Lucy and Bean) to cry into when it gets hard.

Now for a list of some of the coolio things I love about being single.

  • Spend your damn money on you and only you. (with the exception of cats)
  • The whole bed
  • Dancing around your room in your pajamas to Single Ladies and believing every word. you could also do this at the club… you know if you have a social life.
  • Going exploring alone…
  • No anxious, self-doubting thoughts like “do they like me?” or “am i keeping them interested enough that they don’t want to cheat on me?”
  • Not having to plan when you’re going to see each other next.
  • Falling in love with things other than a significant other. who ever said it was pathetic to fall in love with a cupcake or the perfect reading chair?
  • Going to bookstores alone…
  • You can purely enjoy love stories in books and movies because you have nothing to compare it to, therefore not getting jealous and signing up for endless couples bonding activities to get you and your S.O. to peak “The Notebook” romance.
  • Focus on work. Actually.
  • You can be angry and not have to explain yourself… just be angry and brood for as long as you need with no “babe what did i do?” being asked at you only making you more angry
  • Not having to feel guilty for daydreaming about that cute girl with the orange eye shadow smiling at you on the bus, or the guy who reached for a book over your head in the library and you saw some skin..!
  • Being “casual” doesn’t mean you are less of a person, it’s okay to have some fun once and a while.
  • you.do.not.have.to.care.about.someone.else’s.feelings. (all the time.)

SO…!

Be happy being single, find things you take for granted when you are just you because in the blink of an eye, you will become a “them” (S.O.) and maybe even a “posse” (kids and S.O.)

ALicia.

 

 

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Posted in comedy, idk., News

Whipped Cream was on Sale.

So, on my break from the dusty hell that is Dollarama, I went over to the grocery store and bought some goddamn $5 Ontario strawberries. Yes, poor money choices… I am going to end up homeless if I continue to spend like this… I know I know. But anyway, I had to go back to work right after bought said strawberries. SO, I shoved them in my backpack to let them get real smooshy.

After work, I decided something was going to be missing from my night. I already had my berries, but where was the cream? Not in my backpack, that’s for sure. On my walk across the bright ass parking lot into the darkness, I stopped in at Food Basics. Where, knew there was whipped cream on sale. This was to be the theoretical cherry atop my sundae. Or, just you know the whipped cream on top… who actually eats the cherries on top anyway?

Getting off topic here, as I walked into a very-empty-and-kind-of-depressing Ancaster Food Basics I started to think of ways I could explain why I was buying just a singular can of whip cream at 9:30 at night.

Here, are my overzealously (probably not a word) thought ways to explain my singular whipped cream canister.

  • The truth, I was using it to be eaten with my $5 strawberries. Just reminding you that I am crazy and bought $5 strawberries.
  • The obvious, to anyone under 30. Some sort of whipped cream *bikini maybe* sex act. I should look into this now, for… research.
  • I was buying it for my dying grandmother as her last wish.
  • I had just gotten dumped and planned on just squirting it in my mouth all night. But, the major plot hole in this excuse is if I had really been planning on doing this with the cream, I would need like 4 or 5 cans to mask my feelings with a sugar high.
  • Katy Perry circa “California Gurls music video” tit canisters.

Once the whipped cream and I locked eyes, I knew it was meant to be… Until I looked at the price. $4 for name brand or $2.49 for on-sale-no-name-brand, I had already spent $5 on goddamn strawberries *which were still being smooshed in my backpack by a tiny bag of “got to keep them alive until payday” cat food* so I was not at liberty to spend whatever I please on whipped cream.

Plus, I am a cheap bastard by nature.

So, me and the on sale *not “light less sugar diet shit air” * whipped cream strolled up to the cashier and I put it on the counter. The cashier looked at me funny. Then I looked at her, then she looked from the lonely can of cream to me and back to the cream. I knew what she was thinking. Being me, I blurted out… “I have strawberries I swear” and she looked at me and smiled, “I’m glad you said that, because my mind was going… well where yours was too probably.” And she was right. So, I paid, not before blabbering incessantly at her and reassuring her of the existence of the strawberries, and walked out the sliding doors.

That is the end of this weird little story. I just felt this needed to be shared for some reason. So, bye.

*blares California Gurls in her room, alone, with ($5) strawberries and whipped cream falling out of her mouth as she lip syncs and dances around her room*

Posted in idk., lovey-dovey shit

guess what, we are on another date.

*2 posts in one day wowowoowowowowo*

COngratUlaToons. You made it to a second “date” (me just spitting random facts at the internet) with yours truly.

So, let’s google some more questions to ask a girl and see what happens.

You have no say in the matter and I am literally talking to myself so this is a rhetorical question and I am going to do whatever I damn well please anyway.

Today’s article is from The Stallion Style, and the title reads “20+ Really Interesting Questions to Ask a Girl You Like

SO, let’s do this shit.

Disclaimer *This is from a dude website so they are probably a little sexist and “trying to get into my pants”, so parents and people who want to still respect me after this post, stop reading now*

 

“What is something you have tried, but will never do again?”

I know I had a quick-witted and funny response for this when I chose it, but now cannot remember it for the life of me.

“What quirky habit do you have?”

overthinking

“What is your biggest fear?”

Being abandoned. Wow, this got deep real fast, I promise I wanted this to be a funny satire post but currently it is just depressing.

“What would your dream date be like?”

I never know how to answer this damn question. I don’t know I would just like to be on the date with a person I like. And food. Food must be involved, specifically pie. But hiking sounds fun too. Oooh, hiking and then going to like a farmer’s market or something and getting pie. That’s my dream date.

“What is something you used to do as a child that you wish you could still do?”

Okay so this is kind of hard to explain, but I used to be able to make my right index and middle finger bend in such a way that I could form a perfect circle. I can’t do it now and it makes me very sad. The most I can do now is make a teardrop shape to match the despair I feel inside.

“What is the worst thing about dating?”

SMALL TALK.

“Do you believe that he will always have a special place in your heart?”

Who? Winnie the Pooh? Yes probably.

“Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent?”

Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on
She’s all I want and I’ve waited for so long
Stacy, can’t you see you’re just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Stacy’s mom

“Describe the appearance of the person you would like to date?”

Hmm, tall. Like 6’3. I’m 5’9 so I need someone quite a bit taller than me. Funny, nerdy, positive mostly but also enjoys self-deprecating humor. Thinks I am funny. I like flat black earrings for some reason not sure why. Not to existential crisis like. Not to opinionated on politics and such because I am not and I can’t keep up with people who are, plus I honestly don’t care that much. Glasses are a bonus.

 

BONUS ROUND

15 (but I cut most of them out because they were disgusting) Flirty Questions to Make Her Fall for You!

*“flirty” woman with lollipop picture*

“What do you prefer; thongs or panties?”

People who like thongs are sadists and have plastic assholes because that is the only circumstance where thongs can be comfortable.

“What tricks do you use to turn a guy on?”

Magic. The Gathering.

 

Okay, so that concludes our date for today. We will call you in the next few weeks if you made it past the test and get rewarded with Date #3.

 

Alicia.

Posted in idk.

Fed up with Love Stories.

Yesterday was a great day. I came down to Jackson square with not a single idea in my head as to what I was going to do once I arrived. Soon after walking into the familiar “shopping centre” though, I found a Coles… In this Coles, I found a book. And in this book, I found a love story.

This particular love story was unfortunately not about me, no I did not wander around the bookshelves and some weirdly hot nerd came around and started chatting me up, no. I found a book called Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon. Highly suggest reading this if you are also a sap like me.

SO, I bought this book (for only $10 – a steal) and got myself a juice and then settled into the cafeteria at the Jackson Square Nations (amazing grocery store btw). I started to read and soon got addicted to the characters and their story. I loved hearing about all the little things they found about each other and watching their romance form and grow. You see, I love unusual love stories. I don’t want to hear about two attractive people falling in love. And I especially do not want to read another story about the nerdy girl who suddenly takes her glasses off to go to the big school dance, and is suddenly an effing Victoria’s Secret model. This may attract other people but not me.

You see, I do not desire this kind of love and maybe (totally) that’s on me, and maybe you love hearing about attractive people fall for each other at football games. And that’s fine. It is just not for me. I want to hear about the weird girl and the shy guy who are total introvert/extrovert stereotypes getting together, I want to hear about the gay warlocks falling in love.

Now, for the point of this post, (there is one I swear) I was walking the YA (Young Adult) section of the Hamilton Public Library today and could not find a single book that was of interest to me as Everything, Everything was (finished this in 5 hours it was so good by the way). This made me sad. This made me question where I was going as a 19-year-old reader. I need to find a new genre. YA is just too cliché for me now and since I have been reading it (Twilight and all) since I was 12, this is in a new era of reading for me and I have no idea where to start.

I’ve scoured the internet for books and read all the blogs and even watched YouTube videos on books (BookTube) and cannot find anything. You see, along with not liking cliché romance, I also don’t like coming of age books (I find them far too cheesy and I need some romance in my life). And I especially do not like books about real world issues or girls being fat and bullied because this was not me and it just depresses me reading about slavery and such. This probably makes me a horrid person and I understand this but I read to escape, not to be dragged down.

Wow, I sound like an asshat.

Okay, I think it’s time to end this.

Going to go search for more books now.

Unsuccessfully.

Good luck reading this passionate mess of words.

Bye.

Alicia.

Posted in comedy, idk., News

Residual Leprechaun Magic.

Hello there blog, it’s your favorite redhead here… *who never posts*

As many of you know, it was St.Patricks Day on Friday, and aside from drunkenness it also represents Ireland and luck and such. Luck + Ireland = Leprechauns.

Anyway, I think there may have been some sort of a mix-up after the St.Paddy’s shenanigans because here I am in the Hamilton Public Library surrounded by not one, but TWO other redheads. Naturally, the first reason that pops into my head is magical.

You see, I believe that these other redheads are secretly Leprechauns who neglected to go back to the rainbow-land (where leprechauns live) because they were too damn hungover to care. Makes sense right?

No, not really Alicia… You sound insane as usual.

Now, here I sit, in a trifecta of ginger magic thinking I missed a memo or something because when I walked into the HPL today to do some school work… I did not expect to see some of my fellow two-percent.

In order to have red hair, a person must possess the MC1R gene, which is recessive and only occurs in about 2 percent of the world’s population, says the National Institutes of Health.

Pleasantness.

Anyway, I just felt this was something you needed to know.

Bye.

 

Posted in poetry

Why We Should Try.

I know you’re scared, and trust me I am too.

So here are some reasons why we should give it a goo.

Relationships are hard and new things can be frightening.

But when you kiss my lips I feel lightning.

 

Your grips, your eyes, your touch and tingle

Sends my mind to make a little jingle.

The reason I like hickeys is so I can remember

The good times we have together

 

So, this is starting to sound sappy

I just want you to know how I am happy.

You drive me crazy, this is true

But I don’t mind as long as it is you.

 

I’m a cheap date, I don’t eat much

But, I am curious. I need your rush.

To end this off, a little acorn

You make me feel just like a unicorn.

Alicia Mooers // Feb 25 2017

 

 

Posted in idk., News, prompts suck

Turn it around.

Hello there, I’m back and bored.

I want to write but all my posts are usually shit and I do not have any more ideas. I want to “turn this blog around dammit” but I have no content and to be honest, I like to complain to the internet about my useless problems.

So here I am trying to write a coherent blog post that is not only funny but witty and well thought out.

(this is improbable knowing my brain)

impossible*

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I did not write one of my usual “love sucks” posts dumping and shitting on everything  good and holy as I traditionally do. To be honest (again) I do not really hate the whole idea of Valentines and love and such anymore. I am trying to be a more positive person so yeah it’s not so bad.

Also, I kind-of-but-not-really have a “person” who makes me happy.

Valentines Day is still kind of stupid in the expensive gifts and social constructs that surround the day, but nonetheless I enjoy the puns and excessive amount of discounted candy on February 15.

*new topic being poorly transitioned into* I am in the library again. Surprise.

There is a book on the large print shelf to my left that is by a person named DICK WOLF and it is in big white letters (times new roman font looking) with a black background and I am 12 so every time I look at it in my peripheral vision I giggle a little.

I want cake.

Gooey, ooey chocolate cake filled with cherries and no icing just the way I like it.

Oh god I know what my plans are tonight now, I am going to make a cake and eat probably half of it in one sitting while watching… something. Also my cat will be there.

I would be an awesome wife I would make boredom craving cakes all the time. Wife me.

I don’t really want to post this because it is also sort of shit but oh well here we go.

BYE..

 

Posted in idk., lovey-dovey shit

a new perspective on love.

It’s 12:36 am on January 5, 2017 and I need to talk. I can’t sleep so I was organizing files on my computer and stumbled upon an old blog post about what love means to me. I was 15-ish when I wrote this so naturally I knew nothing and my views on what love is have changed drastically.

*link to old post*

Here, is a new 18-almost-19-year-old’s perspective on love.

Specifically, Romantic Love.

Romantic love for me is not really anything you can sense, you just feel it after a while. When you notice it, you can no longer put it in the background. It turns into this semi annoying billboard in your face blinking obnoxiously and won’t let it go until you tell the person. Some people are good at ignoring it and can wait for years until they finally let their feelings out. I am not one of these people. When I realize I love someone I see the billboard and it bothers me infinitely.  There’s just one problem with this. I cannot say I love you to people out loud and such. I do not know why maybe I haven’t found the right person or something but my vocal cords seize up and I just make guttural sounds like a whale and kind of flap my arms around. Usually when I do this the person I was supposedly in love with asks if I am having a stroke and I must assure that I am fine. Usually.

Anyway, just like everyone seemingly, I do not know what love is exactly or if I have ever been truly “in it” so to speak.

Here are some things that show love for me. (romantically)

*I did this in the other post (go read it) and they were all superficial and not really in line with my values anymore*

Here is the revised version.

It will be funnier if you go read the old post I promise.

  1. I don’t need good morning texts, I understand in the morning (noon) you are probably not coherent enough to make a bowl of cereal let alone remember to text me. Besides, by the time you get up it will be the afternoon most likely and I will have been up since 8am.
  2. You can still hold my umbrella if you want to lose a finger. I do not relinquish control easily.
  3. Laughter is still essential. Relationship or not. Laugh.
  4. Fighting is also still a thing that needs to happen, I am non-confrontational though so it will be interesting… But important to abide by the old saying “don’t go to bed angry”
  5. To quote my unusually and uncharacteristically deep 15-year-old self; “Be Yourself, and give this person the tools to hurt you (open up to them) and hope to god they don’t use them” If I am honest, I have probably given people all the ammunition I have against me and it has yet to be used. Let’s hope it stays this way.
  6. Dates are still a thing that should be practiced. But cuddling and watching a movie with takeout is also acceptable most of the time.
  7. Knowing a person’s favourite flower and chocolate is always just a nice thing to know it shows interest. In fact, find anything and everything out about your sweetheart. Find the broken gears and the weird quirks it will bring the two of you closer than physically possible.
  8. I will still accept sweaters as a form of payment.
Posted in comedy, idk., News

Let’s Break some Resolutions!

So.

It’s 2017.

I had started to write another post last year (hahhahaha) in 2016 about my new year’s resolutions and how my 2016 was. BUT I was just trying to finish it this morning in 2017 and it didn’t feel good so here I am writing a brand spankin new blog post for 2017, starting the year off right.

I am sick, and I spent my New Year’s Eve with friends, I’ll let you try and decipher if these “friends” were feline or not.  Hint: they were.

I did not kiss anyone again.

Surprise.

But anyway, let’s just get on to the resolutions that I am sure to break in this new year, probably within the first month.

  • Remember its 2017 now, and write the correct year on things.
  • Try not to become a mutant Godzilla-like thing and destroy a whole city.
  • Learn to drive. Get G2, time is running out, you only have three years left until your G1 expires.
  • Move out? Or become able to…
  • Anxiety controlling, because I was one of the seemingly millions of people who figured out they have anxiety in 2016. Now I have to figure out how to handle it.
  • Do well in school and enjoy learning.
  • Get in a Relationship? (lol)
  • Fall in Love with Everything I Can.

Now that that’s over, let’s see how I did with last year’s resolutions…

_________________________________________________________________

  1. As always, to try my very best to not go completely insane one day and become so possessed by anger that I become some sort of redheaded gorilla and attack a city.

Did I do? I think I can check this one off, I may have been a little crazy at points in 2016, but there was no gorilla-ing happening.

  1. Write more.

I think I did this one, I wrote and at least tried to be a good blog owner. Tried.

  1. Graduate High school.

Fuck yeah, I did this one, as commemorated by this horrid but like cute
picture my dad took of me accepting a random piece of paper that wasn’t even my diploma it was just paper.

GRADUATING.jpg

  1. Change; just a little bit. (I know I will do this, it happens every year.)

Yup.

  1. Maybe find a boy to hypnotize and drug so he will fall in love with my beautiful monkey of a self and become my boyfriend. (There’s always got to be a completely unattainable one — I will be just as single next year as I am now.) *Laugh-cries*

Working on it.

  1. Snuggle my cats against their free will more.

You know I did this one.

  1. Idk do something cool.

Yeah, I did some cool stuff in 2016.

_________________________________________________________________

Anyway, I don’t know how to end this as usual, but thank you to anyone who read this blog at all in 2016, all three of you 😛

 

Posted in idk., sitting in..

Sitting in a Library part two.

Okay so a very long time ago in a land far,far away on my old Blogger blog, I wrote a fun little blurb on my adventures at my local library after I got my braces.

I had my big, noisy laptop and nervous tendencies… I listened to a lady sigh about 400,000 times and had tooth-hurty problems; coincidentally, around two-thirty in the afternoon. HAHHAH I am so funny, you missed me I know you did.

So, to set the scene for you, I am in the Terryberry branch of the Hamilton Public Library; sitting at a tall table facing away from the sunny window behind me beating on my back. I have been adjusting my laptop frequently so it remains hidden in my shadow.

A lady just walked by in a very short skirt… poor girl (it is currently two measly degrees in Hamilton and there is at least 5 inches of snow. Why are you wearing a mini skirt. I mean, you look cute and you do you boo boo but still; are you not freezing your literal ass off (the skirt is that short.)

Listening to some old P!nk and loving it; she needs to make another album that would be fab. If you somehow don’t know who she is, educate yourself and you will not be sorry.

Although, this is the internet and everyone has many opinions.

Very cute boy sitting at the couches across from my holier-than-thou height table. Very cute yes. Good job to his parents.

Oooo; aforementioned cute boy is engaging in a watch deal sort of thing. It’s like a weird drug deal but for a watch. A dude came from seemingly nowhere and just sat across from cute boy. Pleasantries were exchanged, and then down to the nitty-gritty of if said watch was indeed a good one. Leather is being inspected as we speak. Apparently this watch is a satisfactory specimen and money is now being exchanged; $60 Canadian. Cute boy has watch – is now texting someone and I am going to stop spying on him now the poor boy.

The sun is less bright now and i do not need to block my laptop from the brightness anymore.

So, let us do a little life update/ I have a plan section while I wait for something interesting to happen.

I have decided (kinda) that I think I want to move out of my mum’s Ancaster, small-town-shitty-bus-system, sub-urban home. I want to go from this to a room in Hamilton. Where buses run past 9 p.m. and people use the sidewalks.

AND I think I can do it too! So here is my plan:

  1. Get a Job in Hamilton. Preferably Part-Time with a lot of hours. I’ll even take Full-Time & do my online college stuff by night at this point.
  2. Make sure you can afford to Move Out. This is important as you do not want to live in a box on Main Street.
  3. Quit Dollarama.
  4. Work and save up money until May/June 2017.
  5. During the “saving up” phase of this plan, get what you will need to move out (sheets, bed, cutlery etc.)
  6. Look for rooms for rent around either Mohawk College or McMaster University -quiet, non partying students are preferred.
  7. Pet-Friendly for my Cats. Maybe. I have not decided on this fully yet.
  8. Move in and be Independent.

I doubt this will work but I at least want to try.

Saggy pants boy just walked by. I wonder if his heart is as sad as his butt looks; as it is neglected the warmth of pants.

Watch boy is now taking pictures of the watch he just bought. Making some arts y angles and even propping it on a book.

That is not what books are for, boy.

It has now been an hour and nothing new has happened. Cute watch boy left, there is a couple who are chattering lovingly on the couch now in front of me, a library worker just passed by, cart of books to be shelved in tow.

Hello, I am back, and now there are two very loud little kids being annoying and sitting on each other over and over again and screaming. I am never having kids. The mother, is also doing nothing. At all.

 

 

Okay so it is now a week after I initially wrote this and I feel as though I should post.

Happy Christmas, by the way.