Turn it around.

Hello there, I’m back and bored.

I want to write but all my posts are usually shit and I do not have any more ideas. I want to “turn this blog around dammit” but I have no content and to be honest, I like to complain to the internet about my useless problems.

So here I am trying to write a coherent blog post that is not only funny but witty and well thought out.

(this is improbable knowing my brain)

impossible*

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I did not write one of my usual “love sucks” posts dumping and shitting on everything  good and holy as I traditionally do. To be honest (again) I do not really hate the whole idea of Valentines and love and such anymore. I am trying to be a more positive person so yeah it’s not so bad.

Also, I kind-of-but-not-really have a “person” who makes me happy.

Valentines Day is still kind of stupid in the expensive gifts and social constructs that surround the day, but nonetheless I enjoy the puns and excessive amount of discounted candy on February 15.

*new topic being poorly transitioned into* I am in the library again. Surprise.

There is a book on the large print shelf to my left that is by a person named DICK WOLF and it is in big white letters (times new roman font looking) with a black background and I am 12 so every time I look at it in my peripheral vision I giggle a little.

I want cake.

Gooey, ooey chocolate cake filled with cherries and no icing just the way I like it.

Oh god I know what my plans are tonight now, I am going to make a cake and eat probably half of it in one sitting while watching… something. Also my cat will be there.

I would be an awesome wife I would make boredom craving cakes all the time. Wife me.

I don’t really want to post this because it is also sort of shit but oh well here we go.

BYE..

 

Uncreative Writing Prompt Answers.

Today, I am going to make small sarcastic and maybe funny answers to the following writing “prompts” that I found on the vast space we call Google.

Get Ready.

Maybe this will become a series.

1. Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now?

It is cold. It is Canada. It sucks. However, Donald Trump isn’t my president so I’ll take Canada and its desolate pre-winter any day.

2. The Unrequited love poem:How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

I am single.

I have unrequited love.

No, it is not an STI

You need to have sex to get one of those

I am single

3. The Vessel:Write about a ship or another vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.

I am going to take a bus later. Busses are warm. I could be cliché and compare a bus to a warm hug; but I wouldn’t know. I don’t hug.

4. Dancing:Who’s dancing and why are they tapping those toes?

I am dancing because there is a catchy song on. I am dancing with my cat. I am alone.

5. Food:What’s for breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? Or maybe you could write a poem about that time you met a friend at a cafe.

I met a friend at a café once.

She was beautiful.

Golden-Yellow and Crunchy.

Cranberries Shining.

I ate her.

She was a Lemon-Coconut-Cranberry Bar.

I am not a cannibal I just don’t have any friends.

6. Eye Contact:Write about two people seeing each other for the first time.

AAH. Eye contact is terrifying. Intimacy is terrifying. I wonder if they will notice If I just start staring at their nose. Oh; they have freckles that’s cute. Are they still staring at me? I should probably try to look in their eyes. Oh no. Oh no. Mayday Abort Mission. Nope I am not ready for this yet I am a useless lump who cannot be intimate for shit. Help.

7. The Rocket-ship:Write about a rocket-ship on it’s way to the moon or a distant galaxy far, far, away.

HAHAHHA bye bitches. Crap, my ass fell off. Oh, god there go my arms. Now I am nothing but a space grape floating in… well, space. Hey maybe we can go to the moon. I heard it was made of cheese, maybe a nice cheddar or mozzarella. I could really go for some cheese right now I am emotional my ass is gone.

8. Dream-catcher: Write something inspired by a recent dream you had.

Nothingness. BUT if I know my brain it had something to do with food or sexy times. Maybe even at the same time. Hmm… Onion rings…

9. Animals:Choose an animal. Write about it!

There is a cat. It is floofy.

10. Friendship:Write about being friends with someone.

I like having friends they make me less lonely.