Posted in comedy, lovey-dovey shit

Single Pringles

*fun fact* My favorite (aka the best and only one that should exist) Pringles flavor is Sour Cream and Onion, just like my dad!

Hello blog. If you know anything about me, you know that I am not the luckiest in the ways of *love*. I’m quite shit at it actually. I fall fast, I throw myself into people who don’t care half as much, and I generally just am clueless when it comes to the whole situation. The worst part of it all is that no matter how hard I try to push it down, I am a hopeless (in every sense of the word) romantic.

Yes, I love love. Or, the idea of it anyways…

This being said, I am also okay with being alone. Contradictory right?

Today, I got dumped-without-actually-dating-the-person-because-they-have-commitment-issues yet again. Third time around for me actually… This is not going to be a post bashing him and every minuscule fault he may have had though, I’m kinda tired of drama and reaching for exes – been there, done that

This post is going to be an ode to singularity, showcasing all the amazing and downright blissful sides of being “alone.”

First, let’s talk about the term “being alone” because if you are anything like me… being single and being alone are two very different things. Single is the absence of a romantic partner, while alone means having nobody. I am lucky enough to have a best friend who I love and I know she will probably never leave me and we will be old ladies living out our days in Squamish, BC. I also have an amazing group of friends aside from this one who help me with many different opinions and takes on how to handle life. I have my family, and most importantly I have two beautiful kitties (Lucy and Bean) to cry into when it gets hard.

Now for a list of some of the coolio things I love about being single.

  • Spend your damn money on you and only you. (with the exception of cats)
  • The whole bed
  • Dancing around your room in your pajamas to Single Ladies and believing every word. you could also do this at the club… you know if you have a social life.
  • Going exploring alone…
  • No anxious, self-doubting thoughts like “do they like me?” or “am i keeping them interested enough that they don’t want to cheat on me?”
  • Not having to plan when you’re going to see each other next.
  • Falling in love with things other than a significant other. who ever said it was pathetic to fall in love with a cupcake or the perfect reading chair?
  • Going to bookstores alone…
  • You can purely enjoy love stories in books and movies because you have nothing to compare it to, therefore not getting jealous and signing up for endless couples bonding activities to get you and your S.O. to peak “The Notebook” romance.
  • Focus on work. Actually.
  • You can be angry and not have to explain yourself… just be angry and brood for as long as you need with no “babe what did i do?” being asked at you only making you more angry
  • Not having to feel guilty for daydreaming about that cute girl with the orange eye shadow smiling at you on the bus, or the guy who reached for a book over your head in the library and you saw some skin..!
  • Being “casual” doesn’t mean you are less of a person, it’s okay to have some fun once and a while.
  • you.do.not.have.to.care.about.someone.else’s.feelings. (all the time.)

SO…!

Be happy being single, find things you take for granted when you are just you because in the blink of an eye, you will become a “them” (S.O.) and maybe even a “posse” (kids and S.O.)

ALicia.

 

 

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Posted in idk., lovey-dovey shit

guess what, we are on another date.

*2 posts in one day wowowoowowowowo*

COngratUlaToons. You made it to a second “date” (me just spitting random facts at the internet) with yours truly.

So, let’s google some more questions to ask a girl and see what happens.

You have no say in the matter and I am literally talking to myself so this is a rhetorical question and I am going to do whatever I damn well please anyway.

Today’s article is from The Stallion Style, and the title reads “20+ Really Interesting Questions to Ask a Girl You Like

SO, let’s do this shit.

Disclaimer *This is from a dude website so they are probably a little sexist and “trying to get into my pants”, so parents and people who want to still respect me after this post, stop reading now*

 

“What is something you have tried, but will never do again?”

I know I had a quick-witted and funny response for this when I chose it, but now cannot remember it for the life of me.

“What quirky habit do you have?”

overthinking

“What is your biggest fear?”

Being abandoned. Wow, this got deep real fast, I promise I wanted this to be a funny satire post but currently it is just depressing.

“What would your dream date be like?”

I never know how to answer this damn question. I don’t know I would just like to be on the date with a person I like. And food. Food must be involved, specifically pie. But hiking sounds fun too. Oooh, hiking and then going to like a farmer’s market or something and getting pie. That’s my dream date.

“What is something you used to do as a child that you wish you could still do?”

Okay so this is kind of hard to explain, but I used to be able to make my right index and middle finger bend in such a way that I could form a perfect circle. I can’t do it now and it makes me very sad. The most I can do now is make a teardrop shape to match the despair I feel inside.

“What is the worst thing about dating?”

SMALL TALK.

“Do you believe that he will always have a special place in your heart?”

Who? Winnie the Pooh? Yes probably.

“Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent?”

Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on
She’s all I want and I’ve waited for so long
Stacy, can’t you see you’re just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Stacy’s mom

“Describe the appearance of the person you would like to date?”

Hmm, tall. Like 6’3. I’m 5’9 so I need someone quite a bit taller than me. Funny, nerdy, positive mostly but also enjoys self-deprecating humor. Thinks I am funny. I like flat black earrings for some reason not sure why. Not to existential crisis like. Not to opinionated on politics and such because I am not and I can’t keep up with people who are, plus I honestly don’t care that much. Glasses are a bonus.

 

BONUS ROUND

15 (but I cut most of them out because they were disgusting) Flirty Questions to Make Her Fall for You!

*“flirty” woman with lollipop picture*

“What do you prefer; thongs or panties?”

People who like thongs are sadists and have plastic assholes because that is the only circumstance where thongs can be comfortable.

“What tricks do you use to turn a guy on?”

Magic. The Gathering.

 

Okay, so that concludes our date for today. We will call you in the next few weeks if you made it past the test and get rewarded with Date #3.

 

Alicia.

Posted in idk., lovey-dovey shit

a new perspective on love.

It’s 12:36 am on January 5, 2017 and I need to talk. I can’t sleep so I was organizing files on my computer and stumbled upon an old blog post about what love means to me. I was 15-ish when I wrote this so naturally I knew nothing and my views on what love is have changed drastically.

*link to old post*

Here, is a new 18-almost-19-year-old’s perspective on love.

Specifically, Romantic Love.

Romantic love for me is not really anything you can sense, you just feel it after a while. When you notice it, you can no longer put it in the background. It turns into this semi annoying billboard in your face blinking obnoxiously and won’t let it go until you tell the person. Some people are good at ignoring it and can wait for years until they finally let their feelings out. I am not one of these people. When I realize I love someone I see the billboard and it bothers me infinitely.  There’s just one problem with this. I cannot say I love you to people out loud and such. I do not know why maybe I haven’t found the right person or something but my vocal cords seize up and I just make guttural sounds like a whale and kind of flap my arms around. Usually when I do this the person I was supposedly in love with asks if I am having a stroke and I must assure that I am fine. Usually.

Anyway, just like everyone seemingly, I do not know what love is exactly or if I have ever been truly “in it” so to speak.

Here are some things that show love for me. (romantically)

*I did this in the other post (go read it) and they were all superficial and not really in line with my values anymore*

Here is the revised version.

It will be funnier if you go read the old post I promise.

  1. I don’t need good morning texts, I understand in the morning (noon) you are probably not coherent enough to make a bowl of cereal let alone remember to text me. Besides, by the time you get up it will be the afternoon most likely and I will have been up since 8am.
  2. You can still hold my umbrella if you want to lose a finger. I do not relinquish control easily.
  3. Laughter is still essential. Relationship or not. Laugh.
  4. Fighting is also still a thing that needs to happen, I am non-confrontational though so it will be interesting… But important to abide by the old saying “don’t go to bed angry”
  5. To quote my unusually and uncharacteristically deep 15-year-old self; “Be Yourself, and give this person the tools to hurt you (open up to them) and hope to god they don’t use them” If I am honest, I have probably given people all the ammunition I have against me and it has yet to be used. Let’s hope it stays this way.
  6. Dates are still a thing that should be practiced. But cuddling and watching a movie with takeout is also acceptable most of the time.
  7. Knowing a person’s favourite flower and chocolate is always just a nice thing to know it shows interest. In fact, find anything and everything out about your sweetheart. Find the broken gears and the weird quirks it will bring the two of you closer than physically possible.
  8. I will still accept sweaters as a form of payment.
Posted in lovey-dovey shit

a L.O.V.E. story

L is for lingering touches on bristly skin, O is for over him never, V is for the vexatious poison in your kiss that I can’t help but want; and finally, E is for how one can become another’s everything within a nothing.

I remember the exact moment I fell in hopeless love with your stupid face. I remember your beguiling smile, your tattooed arms and watching your lips form perfect syllables. I remember your hand reaching to mine. It held mine and I traced imperfect circles over the veins pumping scarlet blood through you. The cab seat we sat on was both velvet and concrete at the same time. A sharp and beautiful tingle shot up my spine, through my fingers when your lips brushed mine. I felt it then.

I still can’t explain it. It’s a feeling all its own. When you realize you love someone. Not anything like the nervous blood sprinting in your veins when you say it aloud, because that moment could be weeks, months or years later.

This moment is pure endorphins running to every part of your body, it’s a calm cool heat. It’s like on one end your whole body freezes but a part of you that is brand new just unthawed.

You don’t just feel it in your heart you feel it in your ribs, tingling and tantalizing your toes, a pair of woolen socks wrapped around frozen feet.

I looked up at you and realized your calloused thumb rolling over my fingertips, how I could never be over you, the infection of your lips and how after this moment you had become my everything from nothing.