Posted in prompts suck

Uncreative Writing Prompt Answers.

Today, I am going to make small sarcastic and maybe funny answers to the following writing “prompts” that I found on the vast space we call Google.

Get Ready.

Maybe this will become a series.

  1. Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now?

It is cold. It is Canada. It sucks. However, Donald Trump isn’t my president so I’ll take Canada and its desolate pre-winter any day.

  1. The Unrequited love poem:How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

I am single.

I have unrequited love.

No, it is not an STI

You need to have sex to get one of those

I am single

  1. The Vessel:Write about a ship or another vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.

I am going to take a bus later. Busses are warm. I could be cliché and compare a bus to a warm hug; but I wouldn’t know. I don’t hug.

  1. Dancing:Who’s dancing and why are they tapping those toes?

I am dancing because there is a catchy song on. I am dancing with my cat. I am alone.

  1. Food:What’s for breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? Or maybe you could write a poem about that time you met a friend at a cafe.

I met a friend at a café once.

She was beautiful.

Golden-Yellow and Crunchy.

Cranberries Shining.

I ate her.

She was a Lemon-Coconut-Cranberry Bar.

I am not a cannibal I just don’t have any friends.

  1. Eye Contact:Write about two people seeing each other for the first time.

AAH. Eye contact is terrifying. Intimacy is terrifying. I wonder if they will notice If I just start staring at their nose. Oh; they have freckles that’s cute. Are they still staring at me? I should probably try to look in their eyes. Oh no. Oh no. Mayday Abort Mission. Nope I am not ready for this yet I am a useless lump who cannot be intimate for shit. Help.

  1. The Rocket-ship:Write about a rocket-ship on it’s way to the moon or a distant galaxy far, far, away.

HAHAHHA bye bitches. Crap, my ass fell off. Oh, god there go my arms. Now I am nothing but a space grape floating in… well, space. Hey maybe we can go to the moon. I heard it was made of cheese, maybe a nice cheddar or mozzarella. I could really go for some cheese right now I am emotional my ass is gone.

  1. Dream-catcher: Write something inspired by a recent dream you had.

Nothingness. BUT if I know my brain it had something to do with food or sexy times. Maybe even at the same time. Hmm… Onion rings…

  1. Animals:Choose an animal. Write about it!

There is a cat. It is floofy.

  1. Friendship:Write about being friends with someone.

I like having friends they make me less lonely.

Posted in comedy, idk.

hello we are on a date now

There’s no capitals in that title.

I’m going to be rebellious and not change it.

Eff you, grammar and sentence structure!

Okay now that has been addressed for no apparent reason but the fact that it’s the only thing I could think to start this shitstorm with.

I have been using the word shitstorm too much in my life and writing; it is becoming a problem.

SO.

Topics… Topics…

OH okay I have a fun little idea. Since it is now NOVEMBER and that means that December is coming soon and I’m not ready for a new year full of I don’t even know what; lets do a “Who are you?” kind of thing.

OR like we are on a date and you are asking me this stuff and I am rambling on for fifty years until I make you unwillingly grow old with me because I just wont shut up.

Yes I am a blogging genius.

*googles questions to ask a girl*

*clicks on first or second article*

*it was the first one*

Here we go.

Hello. My name is Alicia and I am on a date with you, a human.

I got these questions from https://lifehacks.io/questions-to-ask-a-girl/

I literally copied and pasted them so all of the wording is what was on the website and I am going to answer accordingly.

Let’s actually get started now.

 

“What are your secret skills?”

Well, all I have to say for this first one is that my secret skills are so secret that I don’t even know what they are.

“What was your favorite childhood toy?”

Well this one is hard because I actually had two favourite childhood toys. SO, because this is my fictional date and I get to make up the rules *I love power* I am going to tell you about both. As a child, my favourite toys were wooden spoons and grasses. No I did not grow up in the forest, I had lots of conventional toys and lived in a small-town suburb about an hour and a half from Toronto, Ontario. SO, I had lots of normal things to play with but instead I would steal all my mother’s good wooden spoons, “dress them up” in Kleenexes and tape, and would prance around my backyard pretending these spoons were princesses. As for the grasses, I would either pretend those were also princesses (minus the Kleenex dresses) or I would sit alone at lunch in elementary school and make nests for the birds.

No wonder nobody talked to me.

“What was the best gift you’ve ever given to someone?”

Umm… Well you see I am a very forgetful person so my gifts (if I remember one at all) are usually $20 stuffed in a Dollarama card involving a fart joke and shoving that mess in a person’s face. According to my mum, I did buy her a present once (with my babysitting money) and it was a book called “100 Wines to Try Before You Die.” Good job 12-year-old Alicia, buy your mum a book about drinking and then dying. Daughter of the year.

“What is the most embarrassing that happened to you in primary school?”

Well aside from the aforementioned making-nests-from-grass-at-lunch-thing, I did lots of embarrassing things in elementary school. One being when I was a lunch monitor in grades 5 and 6, on pizza day I would watch all the ungrateful little rich kids throw out WHOLE SLICES OF PIZZA into the garbage can. I, being me, did not stand for this and my mum always taught me to not waste food so when all the kids would leave, I would take some completely untouched pizza slices from the top of the garbage can pile. I still do not see the problem with this because

  • There were no bites taken from said slices
  • They were on top of a bunch of other pizza slices so there was no actual garbage-can-to-pizza-slice contact
  • I wanted pizza

Anyway, this isn’t really embarrassing anymore for me but at the time I was terrified of getting caught.

“What would you grab if your house was on fire?”

My cats.

“What is your destination for the trip of your dreams?”

I don’t really know, somewhere in Europe probably. I don’t like the heat and I’m not a fan of beaches and partying all day.

“When you were little, what did you want to be when you grow up? And do you still want it?”

Ahh, my childhood dream job. The magical time when everyone wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, an astronaut or even a princess! Yeah. That wasn’t me. I wanted to work at Subway. I do not know why as I don’t even like Subway that much. As an 18-year-old though, I do not still want to work at Subway. 10-year-old me would be crushed.

“If you got stuck in the elevator and was forced to listen to only one song, which would it be?”

Secrets by OneRepublic.

 

“What was your worst job?”

I have only ever had one job, at Dollarama. I still work there so I guess it is both my best and worst job.

“What is the best advice anyone has ever given you?”

A constantly implied “Do what makes you happy” from my mum.

“Which social game was your favorite while growing up?”

This one is hard… You see, I didn’t play games with other people. I did not play MASH or do those clapping song games or skipped or played 4-square or anything. I sat alone a lot and was ok with it. I had my Harry Potter and Mariokart.

“If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”

Hamilton, Ontario.

“How do you treat people who annoy you for no reason?”

Either figure out why they annoy me and work it out or just ignore them. I don’t have time for unnecessary negativity in my life.

“Would you go with me …?”

Yes. Probably. But you have to deal with my crippling trust issues and inablity to say I Love You to people’s faces.

“What have you learned from your past relationship?”

That I should stop caring what other people thought of me. And that I am prettier when I smile.

“What is the most important thing that guys should understand about a girl, and it seems to you that they do not understand?”

Girls just want your attention. They want to know you are there and you care even just a little bit about them. I think. I mean, I kinda suck at girls so ask your girl what she wants, we always tell you; just listen.

“Who is your best friend?”

Nope.

“Would you like to change something about me?”

Nope. Unless you are stupidly negative then go away.

“With what phrases guys were trying to conquer you?”

I don’t even know what this means.

“What does your name mean?”

From Urban Dictionary: A beautiful girl who’s smart, honest and gentle, but she can also be aggressive. She likes to make random noises. She has eyes that sparkle under the light and sometimes change color but are usually green. She loves chocolate. She rarely feels fear, she has rosy cheeks and always seems to have a gorgeous smile on her face. She’s not afraid of her sexuality. Although her hands always seem to be cold her heart is very warm, and her kiss gives a feeling like no other.

“If you could jump into a pool full of something, what would it be?”

Water. Other things could be very dangerous and I have lots of anxiety so I will stick with my normal water pool thanks.

 

Questions You Should Never Ask a Girl (according to this website):

BUT I am going to answer them anyway

  1. How old are you?            18
  2. How much do you weigh?           145-ish
  3. Are they really yours?    yes
  4. Do you think I’m handsome?      sure
  5. Are you in your periods?             Nope

 

Okay this is way too long so congrats if you made it this far.

Here is a chocolate bar.

Somewhere.

Can’t you see it?

images

Okay I’m done

Bye