Posted in prompts suck

Uncreative Writing Prompt Answers.

Today, I am going to make small sarcastic and maybe funny answers to the following writing “prompts” that I found on the vast space we call Google.

Get Ready.

Maybe this will become a series.

  1. Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now?

It is cold. It is Canada. It sucks. However, Donald Trump isn’t my president so I’ll take Canada and its desolate pre-winter any day.

  1. The Unrequited love poem:How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

I am single.

I have unrequited love.

No, it is not an STI

You need to have sex to get one of those

I am single

  1. The Vessel:Write about a ship or another vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.

I am going to take a bus later. Busses are warm. I could be cliché and compare a bus to a warm hug; but I wouldn’t know. I don’t hug.

  1. Dancing:Who’s dancing and why are they tapping those toes?

I am dancing because there is a catchy song on. I am dancing with my cat. I am alone.

  1. Food:What’s for breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? Or maybe you could write a poem about that time you met a friend at a cafe.

I met a friend at a café once.

She was beautiful.

Golden-Yellow and Crunchy.

Cranberries Shining.

I ate her.

She was a Lemon-Coconut-Cranberry Bar.

I am not a cannibal I just don’t have any friends.

  1. Eye Contact:Write about two people seeing each other for the first time.

AAH. Eye contact is terrifying. Intimacy is terrifying. I wonder if they will notice If I just start staring at their nose. Oh; they have freckles that’s cute. Are they still staring at me? I should probably try to look in their eyes. Oh no. Oh no. Mayday Abort Mission. Nope I am not ready for this yet I am a useless lump who cannot be intimate for shit. Help.

  1. The Rocket-ship:Write about a rocket-ship on it’s way to the moon or a distant galaxy far, far, away.

HAHAHHA bye bitches. Crap, my ass fell off. Oh, god there go my arms. Now I am nothing but a space grape floating in… well, space. Hey maybe we can go to the moon. I heard it was made of cheese, maybe a nice cheddar or mozzarella. I could really go for some cheese right now I am emotional my ass is gone.

  1. Dream-catcher: Write something inspired by a recent dream you had.

Nothingness. BUT if I know my brain it had something to do with food or sexy times. Maybe even at the same time. Hmm… Onion rings…

  1. Animals:Choose an animal. Write about it!

There is a cat. It is floofy.

  1. Friendship:Write about being friends with someone.

I like having friends they make me less lonely.

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Posted in comedy, idk.

Hello there, (young)adulthood.

And hello to you also, my blog.

Hope you had a nice day or a nice coffee or a nice foot fungus.

Whatever you day held, I hope it was nice.

My day consisted of work, moving sparkly pumpkins and sparkly banners and things covered in feathers that love to get lodged up my nose at various points in the day and some over-all grumpy customers.

Also there was a joke about the floor looking like a hickstown strip joint with feathers, hay and glitter dirtying the floor.

I have decided to check in again as I am currently in what one could describe as a “productive, type-y and bored” mood.

I started my first day of online college and i think it is going pretty well so far. Nothing seems too out-of-the-ordinary yet and I have spent $100 on |*theoretical* or, as normal people say, online textbooks already so that’s fun.

There was just a huge flock of tiny black birds that flew over the sky (or maybe they were colored, I don’t know.)

“A ginger a day keeps the doctor away” – a quote from my 6’2″ brother explaining pickled ginger, not my rare hair color.

google keeps auto-correcting “colour” LET MY CANADIAN NESS SHINE GOOGLE STOP OPPRESSING ME AND MY MAPLE-SYRUP-LOVING MOOSE FRIENDS.

I guess i should mention the crippling loneliness and lack of purpose i experienced this morning as my brother went; unwillingly, to his first day of grade 10.

I was so upset with the ungrateful little bugger not appreciating high school and how much easier it is than everything. What a  good time.

*ps i do not miss high school in a social sense; more of a “everything is kind of done for you all the time” sort of way.*