Posted in idk., News, prompts suck

Turn it around.

Hello there, I’m back and bored.

I want to write but all my posts are usually shit and I do not have any more ideas. I want to “turn this blog around dammit” but I have no content and to be honest, I like to complain to the internet about my useless problems.

So here I am trying to write a coherent blog post that is not only funny but witty and well thought out.

(this is improbable knowing my brain)

impossible*

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I did not write one of my usual “love sucks” posts dumping and shitting on everything  good and holy as I traditionally do. To be honest (again) I do not really hate the whole idea of Valentines and love and such anymore. I am trying to be a more positive person so yeah it’s not so bad.

Also, I kind-of-but-not-really have a “person” who makes me happy.

Valentines Day is still kind of stupid in the expensive gifts and social constructs that surround the day, but nonetheless I enjoy the puns and excessive amount of discounted candy on February 15.

*new topic being poorly transitioned into* I am in the library again. Surprise.

There is a book on the large print shelf to my left that is by a person named DICK WOLF and it is in big white letters (times new roman font looking) with a black background and I am 12 so every time I look at it in my peripheral vision I giggle a little.

I want cake.

Gooey, ooey chocolate cake filled with cherries and no icing just the way I like it.

Oh god I know what my plans are tonight now, I am going to make a cake and eat probably half of it in one sitting while watching… something. Also my cat will be there.

I would be an awesome wife I would make boredom craving cakes all the time. Wife me.

I don’t really want to post this because it is also sort of shit but oh well here we go.

BYE..

 

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Posted in prompts suck

Uncreative Writing Prompt Answers.

Today, I am going to make small sarcastic and maybe funny answers to the following writing “prompts” that I found on the vast space we call Google.

Get Ready.

Maybe this will become a series.

  1. Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now?

It is cold. It is Canada. It sucks. However, Donald Trump isn’t my president so I’ll take Canada and its desolate pre-winter any day.

  1. The Unrequited love poem:How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

I am single.

I have unrequited love.

No, it is not an STI

You need to have sex to get one of those

I am single

  1. The Vessel:Write about a ship or another vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.

I am going to take a bus later. Busses are warm. I could be cliché and compare a bus to a warm hug; but I wouldn’t know. I don’t hug.

  1. Dancing:Who’s dancing and why are they tapping those toes?

I am dancing because there is a catchy song on. I am dancing with my cat. I am alone.

  1. Food:What’s for breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? Or maybe you could write a poem about that time you met a friend at a cafe.

I met a friend at a café once.

She was beautiful.

Golden-Yellow and Crunchy.

Cranberries Shining.

I ate her.

She was a Lemon-Coconut-Cranberry Bar.

I am not a cannibal I just don’t have any friends.

  1. Eye Contact:Write about two people seeing each other for the first time.

AAH. Eye contact is terrifying. Intimacy is terrifying. I wonder if they will notice If I just start staring at their nose. Oh; they have freckles that’s cute. Are they still staring at me? I should probably try to look in their eyes. Oh no. Oh no. Mayday Abort Mission. Nope I am not ready for this yet I am a useless lump who cannot be intimate for shit. Help.

  1. The Rocket-ship:Write about a rocket-ship on it’s way to the moon or a distant galaxy far, far, away.

HAHAHHA bye bitches. Crap, my ass fell off. Oh, god there go my arms. Now I am nothing but a space grape floating in… well, space. Hey maybe we can go to the moon. I heard it was made of cheese, maybe a nice cheddar or mozzarella. I could really go for some cheese right now I am emotional my ass is gone.

  1. Dream-catcher: Write something inspired by a recent dream you had.

Nothingness. BUT if I know my brain it had something to do with food or sexy times. Maybe even at the same time. Hmm… Onion rings…

  1. Animals:Choose an animal. Write about it!

There is a cat. It is floofy.

  1. Friendship:Write about being friends with someone.

I like having friends they make me less lonely.

Posted in comedy, tattoos

Hello 2016!

Okay so I know I’m a little bit late on the whole “Happy New Year” thing and all as it is January 2nd, BUT I’m still writing this within the first week and that’s a win in my book.

Anyway, I felt I have not written on here in a while and decided to check in. Some things have changed for me and I made some resolution-type things for 2016.

Let’s start with what I have been up to.

Well, I got a job. I’ll admit, its not my favorite place to be in the world all the time but my co-workers are funny and it isn’t a hard job. So yeah that’s a thing.

Next, (with my first paycheck from aforementioned job) I got my second tattoo. I have been planning it since I got my first one and I am totally in love. It is a peacock feather on my thigh. It flows with the muscle and makes my leg 100% more interesting than it was before. My other leg feels neglected now because it is not half as beautiful.

Fun Fact: My legs are my favorite part of my body. Cellulite and all.

Now, onto the “resolutions” for 2016 I made for myself.

  1. As always, to try my very best to not go completely insane one day and become so possessed by anger that I become some sort of redheaded gorilla and attack a city.
  2. Write more.
  3. Graduate High school.
  4. Change; just a little bit. (I know I will do this, it happens every year.)
  5. Maybe find a boy to hypnotize and drug so he will fall in love with my beautiful monkey of a self and become my boyfriend. (There’s always got to be a completely unattainable one — I will be just as single next year as I am now.) *Laugh-cries*
  6. Snuggle my cats against their free will more.
  7. Idk do something cool.

I think that is a pretty extensive list.

Here is a picture of my tattoo.

IMG_7898.JPG

I took this on the night I got it so it is red and puffy here. Still quite swollen, but ain’t it pretty?

It hurt like a bitch. (I’ve never understood that phrase, like what does it mean “Hurt like a bitch”? Do women hurt really bad all the time? Did a female dog bite some guy and then a couple weeks later his wife left him so he was like “wow, this hurts like a bitch”? Who knows….)

Fun little story, while I was getting the beautiful tattoo up there, It hurt really bad (especially on the side of my leg) and there’s something wrong with me so I deal with extreme pain (and extreme anger) by giggling uncontrollably. It is a problem. Anyway, while I was in immense pain, I began to giggle and I could tell that my tattoo artist, Roger, was probably thinking *What the hell is this girls damage? Is having needles jammed into her skin thousands of times a minute somehow enjoyable for her? Does she like pain? Is she a Satan worshipper? She has red hair, so it would make sense…* In reality, none of this went through his head at all, but that’s what my anxious brain produced for the situation.

I never know how to end these stupid things.

Goodbye!

no, I use that too much.

So, that’s it!

nope.

bfhdfn efuowe hep

what the hell is that?

Wherever you are have a nice night. Ill see you guys next time!

there is so much wrong with this one. you are a blogger, you never”see” your readers. and if you did it would not be “you guys” it would be one person, you narcissist.

Oh eff it, just bye.

a little aggressive, but okay.

STUFF YOU SHOULD LOOK AT:

Tattoo Artist (Roger)

https://www.facebook.com/Lords-Ink-Canada-233836682474/?fref=ts

… yeah that’s all I got for you