Posted in comedy, lovey-dovey shit

Single Pringles

*fun fact* My favorite (aka the best and only one that should exist) Pringles flavor is Sour Cream and Onion, just like my dad!

Hello blog. If you know anything about me, you know that I am not the luckiest in the ways of *love*. I’m quite shit at it actually. I fall fast, I throw myself into people who don’t care half as much, and I generally just am clueless when it comes to the whole situation. The worst part of it all is that no matter how hard I try to push it down, I am a hopeless (in every sense of the word) romantic.

Yes, I love love. Or, the idea of it anyways…

This being said, I am also okay with being alone. Contradictory right?

Today, I got dumped-without-actually-dating-the-person-because-they-have-commitment-issues yet again. Third time around for me actually… This is not going to be a post bashing him and every minuscule fault he may have had though, I’m kinda tired of drama and reaching for exes – been there, done that

This post is going to be an ode to singularity, showcasing all the amazing and downright blissful sides of being “alone.”

First, let’s talk about the term “being alone” because if you are anything like me… being single and being alone are two very different things. Single is the absence of a romantic partner, while alone means having nobody. I am lucky enough to have a best friend who I love and I know she will probably never leave me and we will be old ladies living out our days in Squamish, BC. I also have an amazing group of friends aside from this one who help me with many different opinions and takes on how to handle life. I have my family, and most importantly I have two beautiful kitties (Lucy and Bean) to cry into when it gets hard.

Now for a list of some of the coolio things I love about being single.

  • Spend your damn money on you and only you. (with the exception of cats)
  • The whole bed
  • Dancing around your room in your pajamas to Single Ladies and believing every word. you could also do this at the club… you know if you have a social life.
  • Going exploring alone…
  • No anxious, self-doubting thoughts like “do they like me?” or “am i keeping them interested enough that they don’t want to cheat on me?”
  • Not having to plan when you’re going to see each other next.
  • Falling in love with things other than a significant other. who ever said it was pathetic to fall in love with a cupcake or the perfect reading chair?
  • Going to bookstores alone…
  • You can purely enjoy love stories in books and movies because you have nothing to compare it to, therefore not getting jealous and signing up for endless couples bonding activities to get you and your S.O. to peak “The Notebook” romance.
  • Focus on work. Actually.
  • You can be angry and not have to explain yourself… just be angry and brood for as long as you need with no “babe what did i do?” being asked at you only making you more angry
  • Not having to feel guilty for daydreaming about that cute girl with the orange eye shadow smiling at you on the bus, or the guy who reached for a book over your head in the library and you saw some skin..!
  • Being “casual” doesn’t mean you are less of a person, it’s okay to have some fun once and a while.
  • you.do.not.have.to.care.about.someone.else’s.feelings. (all the time.)

SO…!

Be happy being single, find things you take for granted when you are just you because in the blink of an eye, you will become a “them” (S.O.) and maybe even a “posse” (kids and S.O.)

ALicia.

 

 

Posted in idk.

Fed up with Love Stories.

Yesterday was a great day. I came down to Jackson square with not a single idea in my head as to what I was going to do once I arrived. Soon after walking into the familiar “shopping centre” though, I found a Coles… In this Coles, I found a book. And in this book, I found a love story.

This particular love story was unfortunately not about me, no I did not wander around the bookshelves and some weirdly hot nerd came around and started chatting me up, no. I found a book called Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon. Highly suggest reading this if you are also a sap like me.

SO, I bought this book (for only $10 – a steal) and got myself a juice and then settled into the cafeteria at the Jackson Square Nations (amazing grocery store btw). I started to read and soon got addicted to the characters and their story. I loved hearing about all the little things they found about each other and watching their romance form and grow. You see, I love unusual love stories. I don’t want to hear about two attractive people falling in love. And I especially do not want to read another story about the nerdy girl who suddenly takes her glasses off to go to the big school dance, and is suddenly an effing Victoria’s Secret model. This may attract other people but not me.

You see, I do not desire this kind of love and maybe (totally) that’s on me, and maybe you love hearing about attractive people fall for each other at football games. And that’s fine. It is just not for me. I want to hear about the weird girl and the shy guy who are total introvert/extrovert stereotypes getting together, I want to hear about the gay warlocks falling in love.

Now, for the point of this post, (there is one I swear) I was walking the YA (Young Adult) section of the Hamilton Public Library today and could not find a single book that was of interest to me as Everything, Everything was (finished this in 5 hours it was so good by the way). This made me sad. This made me question where I was going as a 19-year-old reader. I need to find a new genre. YA is just too cliché for me now and since I have been reading it (Twilight and all) since I was 12, this is in a new era of reading for me and I have no idea where to start.

I’ve scoured the internet for books and read all the blogs and even watched YouTube videos on books (BookTube) and cannot find anything. You see, along with not liking cliché romance, I also don’t like coming of age books (I find them far too cheesy and I need some romance in my life). And I especially do not like books about real world issues or girls being fat and bullied because this was not me and it just depresses me reading about slavery and such. This probably makes me a horrid person and I understand this but I read to escape, not to be dragged down.

Wow, I sound like an asshat.

Okay, I think it’s time to end this.

Going to go search for more books now.

Unsuccessfully.

Good luck reading this passionate mess of words.

Bye.

Alicia.

Posted in idk., lovey-dovey shit

a new perspective on love.

It’s 12:36 am on January 5, 2017 and I need to talk. I can’t sleep so I was organizing files on my computer and stumbled upon an old blog post about what love means to me. I was 15-ish when I wrote this so naturally I knew nothing and my views on what love is have changed drastically.

*link to old post*

Here, is a new 18-almost-19-year-old’s perspective on love.

Specifically, Romantic Love.

Romantic love for me is not really anything you can sense, you just feel it after a while. When you notice it, you can no longer put it in the background. It turns into this semi annoying billboard in your face blinking obnoxiously and won’t let it go until you tell the person. Some people are good at ignoring it and can wait for years until they finally let their feelings out. I am not one of these people. When I realize I love someone I see the billboard and it bothers me infinitely.  There’s just one problem with this. I cannot say I love you to people out loud and such. I do not know why maybe I haven’t found the right person or something but my vocal cords seize up and I just make guttural sounds like a whale and kind of flap my arms around. Usually when I do this the person I was supposedly in love with asks if I am having a stroke and I must assure that I am fine. Usually.

Anyway, just like everyone seemingly, I do not know what love is exactly or if I have ever been truly “in it” so to speak.

Here are some things that show love for me. (romantically)

*I did this in the other post (go read it) and they were all superficial and not really in line with my values anymore*

Here is the revised version.

It will be funnier if you go read the old post I promise.

  1. I don’t need good morning texts, I understand in the morning (noon) you are probably not coherent enough to make a bowl of cereal let alone remember to text me. Besides, by the time you get up it will be the afternoon most likely and I will have been up since 8am.
  2. You can still hold my umbrella if you want to lose a finger. I do not relinquish control easily.
  3. Laughter is still essential. Relationship or not. Laugh.
  4. Fighting is also still a thing that needs to happen, I am non-confrontational though so it will be interesting… But important to abide by the old saying “don’t go to bed angry”
  5. To quote my unusually and uncharacteristically deep 15-year-old self; “Be Yourself, and give this person the tools to hurt you (open up to them) and hope to god they don’t use them” If I am honest, I have probably given people all the ammunition I have against me and it has yet to be used. Let’s hope it stays this way.
  6. Dates are still a thing that should be practiced. But cuddling and watching a movie with takeout is also acceptable most of the time.
  7. Knowing a person’s favourite flower and chocolate is always just a nice thing to know it shows interest. In fact, find anything and everything out about your sweetheart. Find the broken gears and the weird quirks it will bring the two of you closer than physically possible.
  8. I will still accept sweaters as a form of payment.
Posted in comedy, idk., News

Let’s Break some Resolutions!

So.

It’s 2017.

I had started to write another post last year (hahhahaha) in 2016 about my new year’s resolutions and how my 2016 was. BUT I was just trying to finish it this morning in 2017 and it didn’t feel good so here I am writing a brand spankin new blog post for 2017, starting the year off right.

I am sick, and I spent my New Year’s Eve with friends, I’ll let you try and decipher if these “friends” were feline or not.  Hint: they were.

I did not kiss anyone again.

Surprise.

But anyway, let’s just get on to the resolutions that I am sure to break in this new year, probably within the first month.

  • Remember its 2017 now, and write the correct year on things.
  • Try not to become a mutant Godzilla-like thing and destroy a whole city.
  • Learn to drive. Get G2, time is running out, you only have three years left until your G1 expires.
  • Move out? Or become able to…
  • Anxiety controlling, because I was one of the seemingly millions of people who figured out they have anxiety in 2016. Now I have to figure out how to handle it.
  • Do well in school and enjoy learning.
  • Get in a Relationship? (lol)
  • Fall in Love with Everything I Can.

Now that that’s over, let’s see how I did with last year’s resolutions…

_________________________________________________________________

  1. As always, to try my very best to not go completely insane one day and become so possessed by anger that I become some sort of redheaded gorilla and attack a city.

Did I do? I think I can check this one off, I may have been a little crazy at points in 2016, but there was no gorilla-ing happening.

  1. Write more.

I think I did this one, I wrote and at least tried to be a good blog owner. Tried.

  1. Graduate High school.

Fuck yeah, I did this one, as commemorated by this horrid but like cute
picture my dad took of me accepting a random piece of paper that wasn’t even my diploma it was just paper.

GRADUATING.jpg

  1. Change; just a little bit. (I know I will do this, it happens every year.)

Yup.

  1. Maybe find a boy to hypnotize and drug so he will fall in love with my beautiful monkey of a self and become my boyfriend. (There’s always got to be a completely unattainable one — I will be just as single next year as I am now.) *Laugh-cries*

Working on it.

  1. Snuggle my cats against their free will more.

You know I did this one.

  1. Idk do something cool.

Yeah, I did some cool stuff in 2016.

_________________________________________________________________

Anyway, I don’t know how to end this as usual, but thank you to anyone who read this blog at all in 2016, all three of you 😛

 

Posted in comedy, idk.

hello we are on a date now

There’s no capitals in that title.

I’m going to be rebellious and not change it.

Eff you, grammar and sentence structure!

Okay now that has been addressed for no apparent reason but the fact that it’s the only thing I could think to start this shitstorm with.

I have been using the word shitstorm too much in my life and writing; it is becoming a problem.

SO.

Topics… Topics…

OH okay I have a fun little idea. Since it is now NOVEMBER and that means that December is coming soon and I’m not ready for a new year full of I don’t even know what; lets do a “Who are you?” kind of thing.

OR like we are on a date and you are asking me this stuff and I am rambling on for fifty years until I make you unwillingly grow old with me because I just wont shut up.

Yes I am a blogging genius.

*googles questions to ask a girl*

*clicks on first or second article*

*it was the first one*

Here we go.

Hello. My name is Alicia and I am on a date with you, a human.

I got these questions from https://lifehacks.io/questions-to-ask-a-girl/

I literally copied and pasted them so all of the wording is what was on the website and I am going to answer accordingly.

Let’s actually get started now.

 

“What are your secret skills?”

Well, all I have to say for this first one is that my secret skills are so secret that I don’t even know what they are.

“What was your favorite childhood toy?”

Well this one is hard because I actually had two favourite childhood toys. SO, because this is my fictional date and I get to make up the rules *I love power* I am going to tell you about both. As a child, my favourite toys were wooden spoons and grasses. No I did not grow up in the forest, I had lots of conventional toys and lived in a small-town suburb about an hour and a half from Toronto, Ontario. SO, I had lots of normal things to play with but instead I would steal all my mother’s good wooden spoons, “dress them up” in Kleenexes and tape, and would prance around my backyard pretending these spoons were princesses. As for the grasses, I would either pretend those were also princesses (minus the Kleenex dresses) or I would sit alone at lunch in elementary school and make nests for the birds.

No wonder nobody talked to me.

“What was the best gift you’ve ever given to someone?”

Umm… Well you see I am a very forgetful person so my gifts (if I remember one at all) are usually $20 stuffed in a Dollarama card involving a fart joke and shoving that mess in a person’s face. According to my mum, I did buy her a present once (with my babysitting money) and it was a book called “100 Wines to Try Before You Die.” Good job 12-year-old Alicia, buy your mum a book about drinking and then dying. Daughter of the year.

“What is the most embarrassing that happened to you in primary school?”

Well aside from the aforementioned making-nests-from-grass-at-lunch-thing, I did lots of embarrassing things in elementary school. One being when I was a lunch monitor in grades 5 and 6, on pizza day I would watch all the ungrateful little rich kids throw out WHOLE SLICES OF PIZZA into the garbage can. I, being me, did not stand for this and my mum always taught me to not waste food so when all the kids would leave, I would take some completely untouched pizza slices from the top of the garbage can pile. I still do not see the problem with this because

  • There were no bites taken from said slices
  • They were on top of a bunch of other pizza slices so there was no actual garbage-can-to-pizza-slice contact
  • I wanted pizza

Anyway, this isn’t really embarrassing anymore for me but at the time I was terrified of getting caught.

“What would you grab if your house was on fire?”

My cats.

“What is your destination for the trip of your dreams?”

I don’t really know, somewhere in Europe probably. I don’t like the heat and I’m not a fan of beaches and partying all day.

“When you were little, what did you want to be when you grow up? And do you still want it?”

Ahh, my childhood dream job. The magical time when everyone wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, an astronaut or even a princess! Yeah. That wasn’t me. I wanted to work at Subway. I do not know why as I don’t even like Subway that much. As an 18-year-old though, I do not still want to work at Subway. 10-year-old me would be crushed.

“If you got stuck in the elevator and was forced to listen to only one song, which would it be?”

Secrets by OneRepublic.

 

“What was your worst job?”

I have only ever had one job, at Dollarama. I still work there so I guess it is both my best and worst job.

“What is the best advice anyone has ever given you?”

A constantly implied “Do what makes you happy” from my mum.

“Which social game was your favorite while growing up?”

This one is hard… You see, I didn’t play games with other people. I did not play MASH or do those clapping song games or skipped or played 4-square or anything. I sat alone a lot and was ok with it. I had my Harry Potter and Mariokart.

“If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”

Hamilton, Ontario.

“How do you treat people who annoy you for no reason?”

Either figure out why they annoy me and work it out or just ignore them. I don’t have time for unnecessary negativity in my life.

“Would you go with me …?”

Yes. Probably. But you have to deal with my crippling trust issues and inablity to say I Love You to people’s faces.

“What have you learned from your past relationship?”

That I should stop caring what other people thought of me. And that I am prettier when I smile.

“What is the most important thing that guys should understand about a girl, and it seems to you that they do not understand?”

Girls just want your attention. They want to know you are there and you care even just a little bit about them. I think. I mean, I kinda suck at girls so ask your girl what she wants, we always tell you; just listen.

“Who is your best friend?”

Nope.

“Would you like to change something about me?”

Nope. Unless you are stupidly negative then go away.

“With what phrases guys were trying to conquer you?”

I don’t even know what this means.

“What does your name mean?”

From Urban Dictionary: A beautiful girl who’s smart, honest and gentle, but she can also be aggressive. She likes to make random noises. She has eyes that sparkle under the light and sometimes change color but are usually green. She loves chocolate. She rarely feels fear, she has rosy cheeks and always seems to have a gorgeous smile on her face. She’s not afraid of her sexuality. Although her hands always seem to be cold her heart is very warm, and her kiss gives a feeling like no other.

“If you could jump into a pool full of something, what would it be?”

Water. Other things could be very dangerous and I have lots of anxiety so I will stick with my normal water pool thanks.

 

Questions You Should Never Ask a Girl (according to this website):

BUT I am going to answer them anyway

  1. How old are you?            18
  2. How much do you weigh?           145-ish
  3. Are they really yours?    yes
  4. Do you think I’m handsome?      sure
  5. Are you in your periods?             Nope

 

Okay this is way too long so congrats if you made it this far.

Here is a chocolate bar.

Somewhere.

Can’t you see it?

images

Okay I’m done

Bye

Posted in idk.

happy happy happy

Hello and I am in my own little bliss bubble right now. I had a shitty night and it was filled with anxiety and demons and lovely stuff.

I thought this morning would be quite the same as last night when I woke up with a headache and anxiety yet again. But then, just this one time, I decided to not let my fears dictate my mood.

I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and hobbled semi-happily down the stairs.

Shuffling my eclectic music library, it seemed the fates knew what songs I needed to hear and played them accordingly.

The Fates’ Not Today Anxiety morning playlist:

“No One” – Alicia Keys

“Life’s for the Living” – Passenger

“Higher” – Carly Rae Jepsen

“Cry” – Kelly Clarkson

“All I Want” – Kodaline

“Mr. Brightside – The Killers

I then proceeded to make myself a big cup of tea, some jam on toast, and dance around the kitchen with my cat while I was waiting for the water to boil and my toast to – well, toast.

Now, I sit here doing my favorite thing in the world, writing. To you, my two readers. (yes we have upgraded from one ol’faithful to TWO. Look at us go!

*virtual high five*

I don’t know what else will happen today but I hope I can maintain this mood.

Before I leave, a weird little belief of mine.

Everyone deserves happiness. I am not even talking about a long time of pure happy, or even being half happy. Everyone deserves to have those little moments of happiness that they are so overcome with feelings of unequivocal joy all they can do is squirm in their elated state. I don’t care what brought these little moments on, it could be because you magically were able to pass that math final or just because you managed to make a grilled cheese without burning the house down.

Maybe I will become a prophet.

Lol no I am too weird for that shit.

Okay bye, Alicia 🙂

p.s. I love all you guys who have even read more than one of these stupid posts. Seriously, you are the best and I hope you get a chocolate bar.

Posted in idk., stream of nothingness

rambly bambly female empowerment

You know what I hate?

Well, lots of things actually… summer, anti-feminists, dog people, rude people, people in general; you know, the standard.

But one of the things that I hate/makes me sad the most is when I see tweets/Tumblr posts/Instagram captions of girls saying “you bring out the best in me” and “you accepted my true form” like they are talking about their unsightly foot wart or something. Your personality is something that nobody can make you show or form for you. It is all you, honey.

YOU chose to trust that person.

YOU made that decision, nobody brought it out; it was already there.

Things like “You showed me I’m worth so much more than how he treated me. You showed me I’m loveable, that a person can look at me, the real me, the one I rarely dare show, and like what they see.” I see on the internet really makes me fear for my daughter if I ever have one. I seriously hope that she never feels her personality – or “true self” is something that needs to be hidden or to be ashamed of only to hope someone someday accepts you for who you are.

I see my little cousin, who is like a sister to me, try and hide her quirky self sometimes or act a certain way because she thinks that’s what people want from her and all I ever want to do is shake her and give her some of my small reserve of self confidence and acceptance. I would give it all to her if I could.

Seeing things where girls think a guy made them better makes me mad. And sad. And worried. If a girl thinks there is no reason to love herself until a guy says he accepts her there is something seriously fucked up about this world (no shit Sherlock.)

I, being the sarcastic and loud weirdo I am today can remember when I wouldn’t say a joke because I thought; a guy wouldn’t like a girl who tells stupid dirty jokes or worse I would try to be someone I wasn’t to see if I could get a guy to like me more. Looking back on this and typing it in this moment makes it seem more and more pathetic by the minute.

One thing I have learned in the past year or so about myself or about the world I live in is that:

you.do.not.need.to.be.accepted:

effing.embrace.yourself.

sigh. Alicia

P.S. I am fighting the urge to apologize for this post being rambly and unprofessional but I am still working on my own self-acceptance issues and idk now I am writing this p.s.

wow this blog got all social commentary-y all of a sudden.

dare i say we are becoming more than a useless complaining blog?

nope

we still useless

woo

go self deprecation in writing.

also, “that’s so gay” is not a good way of saying something is not good.

thank you and goodnight.

Posted in lovey-dovey shit

a L.O.V.E. story

L is for lingering touches on bristly skin, O is for over him never, V is for the vexatious poison in your kiss that I can’t help but want; and finally, E is for how one can become another’s everything within a nothing.

I remember the exact moment I fell in hopeless love with your stupid face. I remember your beguiling smile, your tattooed arms and watching your lips form perfect syllables. I remember your hand reaching to mine. It held mine and I traced imperfect circles over the veins pumping scarlet blood through you. The cab seat we sat on was both velvet and concrete at the same time. A sharp and beautiful tingle shot up my spine, through my fingers when your lips brushed mine. I felt it then.

I still can’t explain it. It’s a feeling all its own. When you realize you love someone. Not anything like the nervous blood sprinting in your veins when you say it aloud, because that moment could be weeks, months or years later.

This moment is pure endorphins running to every part of your body, it’s a calm cool heat. It’s like on one end your whole body freezes but a part of you that is brand new just unthawed.

You don’t just feel it in your heart you feel it in your ribs, tingling and tantalizing your toes, a pair of woolen socks wrapped around frozen feet.

I looked up at you and realized your calloused thumb rolling over my fingertips, how I could never be over you, the infection of your lips and how after this moment you had become my everything from nothing.

Posted in idk., Writer's Craft

This is not a funny one. Sorry :/

Hey guys, I’ve really missed writing. My life has been so crazy busy lately I just don’t have the time. But tonight I was laying in my bed, scanning Buzzfeed as one does on a Sunday evening, and I came across this heart-wrenching article. Prepare to Cry.

There is an article within this article talking about Dear My Blank, a tumblr blog that lets people write a letter to their exes, the deceased, anybody. Then, they are posted on the blog.

I thought this was a brilliant idea and wrote one to Link.

So here goes.

R,
Hey. I don’t know if you will ever see this but I kind of hope you do. It’s your birthday today, and I have pretended to forget. It makes it less painful. Last year at this time you were mine, I was happy. Oh, you made me so happy. If you somehow are reading this, I still want to have my face on a lunchbox with yours. I want to rule the world with you. I want to talk about nothing for hours again. I would love to make plans to control the world’s minds using our quick wit. I miss you. Last year at this time we were awkward and beautiful. Our whole relationship was awkwardly beautiful. You are awkwardly beautiful. I remember that dimple on your temple every time I smile in the mirror and see two of my own staring back at me. There are so many things I miss about you. That bothers me.
Obvious I know. I don’t think anybody particularly likes missing someone, but what bothers me is not the missing, it’s that I know I don’t still love you but I still miss you. As a friend. I just miss talking. 
You know?
Oh R, you know that every time I look down that bike trail we walked when we were still friends? I look at it and it makes me both sad and happy. I am sad because you aren’t with me anymore, but I am happy because I can still feel your laugh rippling through me and the sun beating down on my neck.
It hurts when I remember that you still talked to some of your other old girlfriends while we were dating. I hoped that if we ever did break up, I’d be one of those girls. Clearly I’m not. It’s been almost a year.
Sometimes I think of texting you. I’ve tried to talk, but you blocked me on Facebook and I deleted your number.
I have heard that you have a new girl now. I’ve heard that you dropped your friends for her. I’ve heard you are happy. Be careful R, I know you. I care about you. Friends are just as important as lovers. Remember that.
Anyway, this is getting lengthy.
I do not wish to become the person I was a year ago, I am in love with the me of 2015. I don’t want to turn back time, nor do I want to become your girlfriend again. I just want to be your friend.
Goodbye, I hope you are happy as a Hungarian Horntail on Halloween.
A.
Okay it’s done now. I’m sorry if I bummed anybody out, but it was a good and emotional piece of writing. Naturally, I have to post it.
Also, I like sharing my life with the Internet. Every like and follower and view I get makes me so happy I can’t even put it into words, and I’m a writer.
So bye.. Next post will most likely be funny.