Posted in prompts suck

Uncreative Writing Prompt Answers.

Today, I am going to make small sarcastic and maybe funny answers to the following writing “prompts” that I found on the vast space we call Google.

Get Ready.

Maybe this will become a series.

  1. Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now?

It is cold. It is Canada. It sucks. However, Donald Trump isn’t my president so I’ll take Canada and its desolate pre-winter any day.

  1. The Unrequited love poem:How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

I am single.

I have unrequited love.

No, it is not an STI

You need to have sex to get one of those

I am single

  1. The Vessel:Write about a ship or another vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.

I am going to take a bus later. Busses are warm. I could be cliché and compare a bus to a warm hug; but I wouldn’t know. I don’t hug.

  1. Dancing:Who’s dancing and why are they tapping those toes?

I am dancing because there is a catchy song on. I am dancing with my cat. I am alone.

  1. Food:What’s for breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? Or maybe you could write a poem about that time you met a friend at a cafe.

I met a friend at a café once.

She was beautiful.

Golden-Yellow and Crunchy.

Cranberries Shining.

I ate her.

She was a Lemon-Coconut-Cranberry Bar.

I am not a cannibal I just don’t have any friends.

  1. Eye Contact:Write about two people seeing each other for the first time.

AAH. Eye contact is terrifying. Intimacy is terrifying. I wonder if they will notice If I just start staring at their nose. Oh; they have freckles that’s cute. Are they still staring at me? I should probably try to look in their eyes. Oh no. Oh no. Mayday Abort Mission. Nope I am not ready for this yet I am a useless lump who cannot be intimate for shit. Help.

  1. The Rocket-ship:Write about a rocket-ship on it’s way to the moon or a distant galaxy far, far, away.

HAHAHHA bye bitches. Crap, my ass fell off. Oh, god there go my arms. Now I am nothing but a space grape floating in… well, space. Hey maybe we can go to the moon. I heard it was made of cheese, maybe a nice cheddar or mozzarella. I could really go for some cheese right now I am emotional my ass is gone.

  1. Dream-catcher: Write something inspired by a recent dream you had.

Nothingness. BUT if I know my brain it had something to do with food or sexy times. Maybe even at the same time. Hmm… Onion rings…

  1. Animals:Choose an animal. Write about it!

There is a cat. It is floofy.

  1. Friendship:Write about being friends with someone.

I like having friends they make me less lonely.

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Posted in comedy, idk.

hello we are on a date now

There’s no capitals in that title.

I’m going to be rebellious and not change it.

Eff you, grammar and sentence structure!

Okay now that has been addressed for no apparent reason but the fact that it’s the only thing I could think to start this shitstorm with.

I have been using the word shitstorm too much in my life and writing; it is becoming a problem.

SO.

Topics… Topics…

OH okay I have a fun little idea. Since it is now NOVEMBER and that means that December is coming soon and I’m not ready for a new year full of I don’t even know what; lets do a “Who are you?” kind of thing.

OR like we are on a date and you are asking me this stuff and I am rambling on for fifty years until I make you unwillingly grow old with me because I just wont shut up.

Yes I am a blogging genius.

*googles questions to ask a girl*

*clicks on first or second article*

*it was the first one*

Here we go.

Hello. My name is Alicia and I am on a date with you, a human.

I got these questions from https://lifehacks.io/questions-to-ask-a-girl/

I literally copied and pasted them so all of the wording is what was on the website and I am going to answer accordingly.

Let’s actually get started now.

 

“What are your secret skills?”

Well, all I have to say for this first one is that my secret skills are so secret that I don’t even know what they are.

“What was your favorite childhood toy?”

Well this one is hard because I actually had two favourite childhood toys. SO, because this is my fictional date and I get to make up the rules *I love power* I am going to tell you about both. As a child, my favourite toys were wooden spoons and grasses. No I did not grow up in the forest, I had lots of conventional toys and lived in a small-town suburb about an hour and a half from Toronto, Ontario. SO, I had lots of normal things to play with but instead I would steal all my mother’s good wooden spoons, “dress them up” in Kleenexes and tape, and would prance around my backyard pretending these spoons were princesses. As for the grasses, I would either pretend those were also princesses (minus the Kleenex dresses) or I would sit alone at lunch in elementary school and make nests for the birds.

No wonder nobody talked to me.

“What was the best gift you’ve ever given to someone?”

Umm… Well you see I am a very forgetful person so my gifts (if I remember one at all) are usually $20 stuffed in a Dollarama card involving a fart joke and shoving that mess in a person’s face. According to my mum, I did buy her a present once (with my babysitting money) and it was a book called “100 Wines to Try Before You Die.” Good job 12-year-old Alicia, buy your mum a book about drinking and then dying. Daughter of the year.

“What is the most embarrassing that happened to you in primary school?”

Well aside from the aforementioned making-nests-from-grass-at-lunch-thing, I did lots of embarrassing things in elementary school. One being when I was a lunch monitor in grades 5 and 6, on pizza day I would watch all the ungrateful little rich kids throw out WHOLE SLICES OF PIZZA into the garbage can. I, being me, did not stand for this and my mum always taught me to not waste food so when all the kids would leave, I would take some completely untouched pizza slices from the top of the garbage can pile. I still do not see the problem with this because

  • There were no bites taken from said slices
  • They were on top of a bunch of other pizza slices so there was no actual garbage-can-to-pizza-slice contact
  • I wanted pizza

Anyway, this isn’t really embarrassing anymore for me but at the time I was terrified of getting caught.

“What would you grab if your house was on fire?”

My cats.

“What is your destination for the trip of your dreams?”

I don’t really know, somewhere in Europe probably. I don’t like the heat and I’m not a fan of beaches and partying all day.

“When you were little, what did you want to be when you grow up? And do you still want it?”

Ahh, my childhood dream job. The magical time when everyone wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, an astronaut or even a princess! Yeah. That wasn’t me. I wanted to work at Subway. I do not know why as I don’t even like Subway that much. As an 18-year-old though, I do not still want to work at Subway. 10-year-old me would be crushed.

“If you got stuck in the elevator and was forced to listen to only one song, which would it be?”

Secrets by OneRepublic.

 

“What was your worst job?”

I have only ever had one job, at Dollarama. I still work there so I guess it is both my best and worst job.

“What is the best advice anyone has ever given you?”

A constantly implied “Do what makes you happy” from my mum.

“Which social game was your favorite while growing up?”

This one is hard… You see, I didn’t play games with other people. I did not play MASH or do those clapping song games or skipped or played 4-square or anything. I sat alone a lot and was ok with it. I had my Harry Potter and Mariokart.

“If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”

Hamilton, Ontario.

“How do you treat people who annoy you for no reason?”

Either figure out why they annoy me and work it out or just ignore them. I don’t have time for unnecessary negativity in my life.

“Would you go with me …?”

Yes. Probably. But you have to deal with my crippling trust issues and inablity to say I Love You to people’s faces.

“What have you learned from your past relationship?”

That I should stop caring what other people thought of me. And that I am prettier when I smile.

“What is the most important thing that guys should understand about a girl, and it seems to you that they do not understand?”

Girls just want your attention. They want to know you are there and you care even just a little bit about them. I think. I mean, I kinda suck at girls so ask your girl what she wants, we always tell you; just listen.

“Who is your best friend?”

Nope.

“Would you like to change something about me?”

Nope. Unless you are stupidly negative then go away.

“With what phrases guys were trying to conquer you?”

I don’t even know what this means.

“What does your name mean?”

From Urban Dictionary: A beautiful girl who’s smart, honest and gentle, but she can also be aggressive. She likes to make random noises. She has eyes that sparkle under the light and sometimes change color but are usually green. She loves chocolate. She rarely feels fear, she has rosy cheeks and always seems to have a gorgeous smile on her face. She’s not afraid of her sexuality. Although her hands always seem to be cold her heart is very warm, and her kiss gives a feeling like no other.

“If you could jump into a pool full of something, what would it be?”

Water. Other things could be very dangerous and I have lots of anxiety so I will stick with my normal water pool thanks.

 

Questions You Should Never Ask a Girl (according to this website):

BUT I am going to answer them anyway

  1. How old are you?            18
  2. How much do you weigh?           145-ish
  3. Are they really yours?    yes
  4. Do you think I’m handsome?      sure
  5. Are you in your periods?             Nope

 

Okay this is way too long so congrats if you made it this far.

Here is a chocolate bar.

Somewhere.

Can’t you see it?

images

Okay I’m done

Bye

Posted in idk.

happy happy happy

Hello and I am in my own little bliss bubble right now. I had a shitty night and it was filled with anxiety and demons and lovely stuff.

I thought this morning would be quite the same as last night when I woke up with a headache and anxiety yet again. But then, just this one time, I decided to not let my fears dictate my mood.

I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and hobbled semi-happily down the stairs.

Shuffling my eclectic music library, it seemed the fates knew what songs I needed to hear and played them accordingly.

The Fates’ Not Today Anxiety morning playlist:

“No One” – Alicia Keys

“Life’s for the Living” – Passenger

“Higher” – Carly Rae Jepsen

“Cry” – Kelly Clarkson

“All I Want” – Kodaline

“Mr. Brightside – The Killers

I then proceeded to make myself a big cup of tea, some jam on toast, and dance around the kitchen with my cat while I was waiting for the water to boil and my toast to – well, toast.

Now, I sit here doing my favorite thing in the world, writing. To you, my two readers. (yes we have upgraded from one ol’faithful to TWO. Look at us go!

*virtual high five*

I don’t know what else will happen today but I hope I can maintain this mood.

Before I leave, a weird little belief of mine.

Everyone deserves happiness. I am not even talking about a long time of pure happy, or even being half happy. Everyone deserves to have those little moments of happiness that they are so overcome with feelings of unequivocal joy all they can do is squirm in their elated state. I don’t care what brought these little moments on, it could be because you magically were able to pass that math final or just because you managed to make a grilled cheese without burning the house down.

Maybe I will become a prophet.

Lol no I am too weird for that shit.

Okay bye, Alicia 🙂

p.s. I love all you guys who have even read more than one of these stupid posts. Seriously, you are the best and I hope you get a chocolate bar.

Posted in comedy, idk.

Flibbertyniblets and the Rainbow Pizza

Hello and I just want to let you know that the title of this post has almost nothing to do with it’s content and to be honest I never know what to actually call these things. Sometimes it is just some utterly in-creative jibber jabber like above; sometimes it is deep and sensual… the word “sensual” makes me uncomfortable.

I don’t really know what I wanted to come across with in this post, and didn’t want to do another stream of nothingness so we will see what happens.

It is a Saturday and I don’t have anything to do because I just had knee surgery on Tuesday. That was an experience and I learned painkillers can be fun and tiring and lead to me just saying I like people a lot. Apparently, I am a more loving and sentimental person on drugs.

I went on a bit of a country music trip thing in my drugged state of mind and now I have a playlist on my phone called “Yee Haw” with a stock image of a cowboy as the defining picture. I do not remember making said playlist.

I met a person and he’s cute.

I realized that I am useless when it comes to most social interaction (gasp) and I had a hummus and sims party with my best friend-who-im-not-sure-if-shes-my-best-friend-she-dosent-like-to-use-the-term-“best- friend”. Well nonetheless, I had a hummus and sims party with a close compodre of mine last night and it was the pinnacle of cool and hip 18-year-old Friday night behavior.

I have been listening to a mixture of old One Direction (slay me I like their music) and Panic! (is the “!” necessary?)  at the Disco for the past three days and it has been an emotional rollercoaster.

I am debating watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I think I am going to start after I am done writing this shitstorm.

I am going to see Alessia Cara on November 2nd with my mum and am super excited. I don’t usually like concerts because like there’s a lot of people and screaming and confusion but she is playing a fairly small venue and I think my small introverted and anxious self will be okay. Plus, she just seems chill and cool and such so yay.

Oh, god I went to a 5 Seconds of Summer (kind of like a more rock/punk Australian version of One Direction) concert a couple of summers ago because my aunt didn’t want to go so I had to chaperone my cousin and her bitchy friend. That was my personal hell filled with pre-pubescent girls’ unwarranted screaming. For example, the MUSIC VIDEO for one of their older songs came on and I swear they all collectively got exorcized. My ears were ringing for the next two hours. And it was an outdoor venue. Somewhere for the screams to dissipate into. Yeesh.

Wow I really suck at transitions.

I don’t know what else to bore you poor souls with.

How about some shitty pickup lines from Google?

Yes. Good plan.

 

“Damn Girl is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection!”

 *rolls eyes; fucking millennials…*

“You are almost as hot as my mom.”

*what the actual eff*

“I might be ugly but I’ll treat you right!”

* 1) ME 2) small edit, it would be more like “I most definitely am ugly but I will treat you okay for the first month and then fall off the face of the earth because commitment issues.” *

Okay… that’s enough of that. It is just making me sad for the world.

FUCKING SAM SMITH YES SLAY MY EMOTIONS.

Sorry, my inner fangirl got out for a second. I try to keep her in a chest but she is growing opposable thumbs and can open the lock now when she isn’t scrambling to be the annoying little twit who writes way too much shitty fanfiction and is constantly typing “slay” and “yass” on celebrities Instagram pictures.

According to Microsoft Word 2016, “yass” is not a word. ADD TO DICTIONARY BISH.

Okay now I am typing to my word processing software and its time to go.

There’s a line and I just crossed it.

I will be in my shame hole if anyone needs me.

 

 

Bennett’s Donuts are the best.

Posted in stream of nothingness

A stream of nothingness part two

I forget what I originally called this series but I am bored and pleasantly chilly so here we go!

So some stuff has been happening. I am still struggling to get a hold of my life as usual but all is going well.

It is finally fall and I do not know how to explain my happiness to do with this time of year; I do have something to say though… I am not just one of those girls who in the dead of winter is like “I cannot wait for summer to come; tanning and beaches and parties sound like so much fun right now” no. I am always dreading summer and it social obligations like parties and barbeque food. I would be completely content with just having like a week of summer and then it can go away.

I am being social this Friday in Hamilton. Very exciting. My introvert self has so far managed to not go crazy ad cancel yet so that is a plus.

My cat is adorable and I just want to shove my oily face into her belly of fur.

Toesies are cold.

Eeek.

My mum took my headphones and I am too much of a woos to ask for them back. My brother is watching car videos on the couch beside me and it is playing a rap song with some fun revving sounds overtop.

My phone never goes off.

I have a second thanksgiving tonight with my mum and I am PUMPED.

I am going to eat so much turkey and potatoes… I already have my stretchy pants on to prepare.

I realized I do not know how to be attractive and not a completely crazy anxious weirdo over text. I spill way too much information and I do not know when to stop. I also just suck at small talk.

I hate horror movies and will not tolerate them.

Wow 326 words of nothing.

Perfect.

I am a goodest writer

If I ever write a book it is jus going to be a bunch of bad puns and random anecdotes because I cannot keep concentrated on one idea for more than five minutes.

My cat thinks she is spider man.

She likes to climb quilts.

Donald Trump is an asshole and will probably destroy the world.

I am Canadian and I am scared.

Him still even being a contender for PRESIDENT just shows how many backwards-thinking people still exist in the world.

Sigh.

If you are American, please vote.

“I really want some sushi but like also I want to eat like, a whole turkey.”

The constant conflict in my life ^^

I was going to go on a hike but then I realized all the things that could go badly in that situation and decided against it.

SOME OF THE THINGS THAT COULD GO WRONG WHILE HIKING ALONE – from an anxious mind

  • Bears
  • I could trip and die
  • Someone could try to talk to me
  • I have a terrible sense of direction and can get lost very easily
  • I could fall in a river
  • A tree could fall on me
  • I rock could fall on me
  • I could run out of battery on my phone
  • I could twist my knee
  • I have a shitty knee there could be many things to go wrong

I have to empty the dishwasher

Dishwasher emptied.

*REALLY SHITTY TRANSITION*

You know what I find ironic? (you don’t care but I am going to tell you anyways)

*that Alanis Morrisette song is not ironic btw its just sad and tragic*

I lost my train of thought.

I watched a show yesterday on HGTV called Sarah’s House and it was one of the worst shows I have ever seen.

*WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS? they were doing a house next to a train track and that is why I thought of this little tidbit*

I, having no plans for Halloween, and being a good worker have been booked on Halloween night 9PM TO 9AM (a twelve-hour overnight shift) and I want to die already.

I am a grandmother and cannot stay up past like 11 on a good night so I actually have no idea how I am going to accomplish this hell shift.

WHY are you doing an overnight shift on Halloween might you ask?

Because Dollarama (the company which I work for) is kind of an asshole and it gives its employees 48 freaking hours to take down all the Halloween stuff and put out all the Christmas.

SO now I am going to be very tired on November 1st of this year – which is sad because The Sims 4 new expansion pack, City Living is coming out and I will probably be sleeping when this happens.

Woot

Yes, I play sims

Yes, I am 18

Yes, I still really like it

Very good for getting rid of pent up aggression

*little fun history lesson* “the pill” or birth control was the only major drug that was entirely funded by women. This was started in early 1900s and wasn’t finished until the 1960s. All the credit is given to the commissioned scientist who was male’ even though the idea and funding was provided by women. Thank you, Margaret Sanger!

Let’s make a bunch of Donald trumps and put them in hole together to fight with each other.

This could be fun

Okay I think I am done now.

Bye

Posted in idk., stream of nothingness

rambly bambly female empowerment

You know what I hate?

Well, lots of things actually… summer, anti-feminists, dog people, rude people, people in general; you know, the standard.

But one of the things that I hate/makes me sad the most is when I see tweets/Tumblr posts/Instagram captions of girls saying “you bring out the best in me” and “you accepted my true form” like they are talking about their unsightly foot wart or something. Your personality is something that nobody can make you show or form for you. It is all you, honey.

YOU chose to trust that person.

YOU made that decision, nobody brought it out; it was already there.

Things like “You showed me I’m worth so much more than how he treated me. You showed me I’m loveable, that a person can look at me, the real me, the one I rarely dare show, and like what they see.” I see on the internet really makes me fear for my daughter if I ever have one. I seriously hope that she never feels her personality – or “true self” is something that needs to be hidden or to be ashamed of only to hope someone someday accepts you for who you are.

I see my little cousin, who is like a sister to me, try and hide her quirky self sometimes or act a certain way because she thinks that’s what people want from her and all I ever want to do is shake her and give her some of my small reserve of self confidence and acceptance. I would give it all to her if I could.

Seeing things where girls think a guy made them better makes me mad. And sad. And worried. If a girl thinks there is no reason to love herself until a guy says he accepts her there is something seriously fucked up about this world (no shit Sherlock.)

I, being the sarcastic and loud weirdo I am today can remember when I wouldn’t say a joke because I thought; a guy wouldn’t like a girl who tells stupid dirty jokes or worse I would try to be someone I wasn’t to see if I could get a guy to like me more. Looking back on this and typing it in this moment makes it seem more and more pathetic by the minute.

One thing I have learned in the past year or so about myself or about the world I live in is that:

you.do.not.need.to.be.accepted:

effing.embrace.yourself.

sigh. Alicia

P.S. I am fighting the urge to apologize for this post being rambly and unprofessional but I am still working on my own self-acceptance issues and idk now I am writing this p.s.

wow this blog got all social commentary-y all of a sudden.

dare i say we are becoming more than a useless complaining blog?

nope

we still useless

woo

go self deprecation in writing.

also, “that’s so gay” is not a good way of saying something is not good.

thank you and goodnight.

Posted in idk.

Just some fun;

Hello and while i was working away at my online college library course today my professor recommended this little video and its just kind of adorable and i relate 100% that this is what i see when i step into a library.

and bonus; there is still plenty of sarcasm and self-deprecation so if you like this blog for some reason… you will love this poem.

Posted in comedy, idk.

Hello there, (young)adulthood.

And hello to you also, my blog.

Hope you had a nice day or a nice coffee or a nice foot fungus.

Whatever you day held, I hope it was nice.

My day consisted of work, moving sparkly pumpkins and sparkly banners and things covered in feathers that love to get lodged up my nose at various points in the day and some over-all grumpy customers.

Also there was a joke about the floor looking like a hickstown strip joint with feathers, hay and glitter dirtying the floor.

I have decided to check in again as I am currently in what one could describe as a “productive, type-y and bored” mood.

I started my first day of online college and i think it is going pretty well so far. Nothing seems too out-of-the-ordinary yet and I have spent $100 on |*theoretical* or, as normal people say, online textbooks already so that’s fun.

There was just a huge flock of tiny black birds that flew over the sky (or maybe they were colored, I don’t know.)

“A ginger a day keeps the doctor away” – a quote from my 6’2″ brother explaining pickled ginger, not my rare hair color.

google keeps auto-correcting “colour” LET MY CANADIAN NESS SHINE GOOGLE STOP OPPRESSING ME AND MY MAPLE-SYRUP-LOVING MOOSE FRIENDS.

I guess i should mention the crippling loneliness and lack of purpose i experienced this morning as my brother went; unwillingly, to his first day of grade 10.

I was so upset with the ungrateful little bugger not appreciating high school and how much easier it is than everything. What a  good time.

*ps i do not miss high school in a social sense; more of a “everything is kind of done for you all the time” sort of way.*

Posted in stream of nothingness

A stream of nothingness – Part One

I need to practice typing on this new computer, my college education depends on it.

The keyboard is smaller so that’s new and its taking some getting used to.

Types very nicely though. Smooth and easy.

Library and Information Technician at Conestoga College.

I love you.

I never say that to anyone anymore.

Alicia Mooers

Alicia Mooers

Alicia Mooers

yes, that is your name, good job; gold star for you!

Typety Type Type Tyyyype!

This is fun. Stream of consciousness go!

I can hear bugs and crickets outside amidst my noisy neighbors and their serial-killer-in-the-making son playing MarioKart. I can hear the dunn dunn dunn duuun! Sounds that signal the beginning of a race.

I hope one day soon I can have my own apartment.

One can dream.

This is a very pretty font and I am fond of this font one could say,

Hehehhehhe

OOO and since I am pretty sure I should become a comedic genius for thinking this little baby up; I dropped a pea from my samosa that I was eating the other day onto the table and exclaimed: “Oh no! We have an esca-PEA!!!”

Yes I realize that is very lame

Yes I am still proud of it

Currenty waiting on kittens to come and sims to download.

Wooo slow internet

(not for the kittens – internet speed has nothing to do with kitten births… yet)

Wow two hundred and sixteen – wait seventeen words of absolutely nothing.

Woot

Woot

In

Da

Hoot

I am a professional adult type.

I have a credit card and a savings account

Look at me, being the adulty person I am supposed to be.

I don’t want to work tomorrow.

Nope

I mean I never want to go to work but like its going to be early and I am not a fan.

Plus it’s Cheryl

And I hate my job.

Anxiety has been at a new high after cutting my hair off.

I feel really great about it at times but like I miss my bun.

So I am going to grow it out. Not out of sadness or regret just out of pure laziness, and no time to want to deal with my hair constantly.

Nope

Not a fan

Should I post this on my blog

Nobody reads it anyway

Oh well

*despair*

The Sims 4 is taking a small lifetime to download because my brother is playing a game online with his little friends.

I have a mini bun on my head and could not care less.

Ooo look a mosquito!

Please don’t bite me

I am very pale, that means I am a vampire, I do not have any blood for you small one.

Your attempt will be futile.

I am not going to wear makeup to work tomorrow

Or do anything with my hair

Or look nice in general

#leggings and a t shirt kinda shift

Wow two pages of nothing

I am a talented writer

I will be a writer one day

Actually, ultimate life goal is to own a used book store, with flowers and crafts as well

But it will be super cute and not “old lady nesting grounds” at all.

My cousin is basically my prettier sister.

Love her to death.

Yeah I am going to post this

To my blog

Why not?

Nobody reads the darned thing anyway.

Maybe this “stream of nothingness” post will become a series

Another promise to break.

I miss Zellers.