Hello, its me the (nonexistant) owner of this blog.
This month, I decided to write a post on something I consider myself to be a bit of an expert in… How to be a shitty blogger.
The whole idea for this came about when (in a spurt of motivated boredom, I decided to open my WordPress app. To my surprise, I was greeted with a notification saying:
.. Happy Anniversary
**I seriously am concerned for my future husband or wife as if this is any hint of me remembering important dates (5-year anniversaries or “big” birthdays) — the couch will become quite homey for me.**
Anyway, I forgot another anniversary.
Woo onto the post. (I still suck at transitions)
How to be a Shitty Blogger
STEP 1: Promise you will post on a “schedule” and fail miserably every single time due to you being a procrastinating dimwit who can’t even keep a succulent alive.
STEP 2: When you do write a post, make sure it is not funny or even a little bit structured.
STEP 3: When people say they actually liked your blog post from the other day or that they are an avid reader; look at them quizzically and ask “Why exactly do you do that to yourself?” and/or “You poor soul”
STEP 4: Continue to procrastinate as this is your one and only talent.
STEP 5: Get lonely sometimes and write sappy-ass emotional crap and throw it up on your blog for no other reason than to fill your ego. To make this step more effective; use phrases such as “sparks tingle up my spine”, “hands in her hair holding helplessly onto her image” or the good ol’ “Her eyes shine brighter than the New York City skyline.”
STEP 6: When you do write something, and it is not a huge piece of crap and actually gets published instead of being banished to the “My babies that died because they suck” folder; put an
unnessceary unessesary unnecessary amount of tags on it. Also post it on all of your barely followed social media accounts.
STEP 7: Have no clue how to spell unnecessary. (praise auto-correct)
STEP 8: Not know how to transition smoothly and instead put your inner dialogue in (brackets) or *asterisks* to transport your readers down a gravel driveway into your next point.
Now you have the tools to be a really really bad blogger. Welcome to the club. Our meetings are on the 45th of every month, but nobody shows up because procrastination and empty promises are our ~aesthetic~