Hello people, I am currently gettin’ ma Christmas on. I have tried to keep it in but, alas… The jolly thing reared its sparkly head.
I got some WHAM and Mariah Carey and a bit of Ariana Grande jammin’ and a fluffy old man sweater. Currently very content with life.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in and show you guys some stuff I’ve been doing.
This is a Roundel poem I wrote for writers craft.
Yes, I handed this exact poem in to be marked.
The Lonely Unicorn.
There once was a unicorn. He was a lonely dude.
Very sad, desolate, uncherished and forlorn.
He can seem kind of creepy, always being in a crappy mood.
There once was a unicorn.
Lady unicorns never stay long, no flame is born.
Doesn’t understand why, could it be all the tobacco he chewed?
Or maybe it was because he owned a lot of porn.
Poor unicorn quite bitter one Monday mood,
Hired a stripper, forgot to tip her, must mourn.
Sad, the poor filly, just 7 years old, already working her horn.
There once was a unicorn.
This is a speech for.. You guessed it. Writers Craft.
You’ve got a lovely everything. Ernest Hemingway
Hello. Best (wo)man here. That quote doesn’t actually mean anything but I was reading “How to Write a Wedding Toast” on wikihow and it said to open with an “Eloquent and moving reflection on marriage, love, or soul-binding. Check.
Next, I am supposed to compliment the bride. (Turn to bride) Ooops, I just read my own stage directions. Anyway, Bride, you look nothing like a potato on this day. You’re welcome.
I almost forgot! I am supposed to clarify who I am. Well, some of you might like to know that I actually dumped the groom in grade 10. Now I am the best (wo)man at his wedding. Yup. I don’t have a whole lot to do on Friday nights, as I am a social hobbit. I, being a proud broke-ass writer am not going to turn down some free food that is not actually that free, as it is going to put the lovely couple into 30 years of debt. Thanks, guys.
Now to get all sappy up in the hizz-house.
I remember when Joe came to me saying he met the girl of his dreams, and was not going to let her get away ever. I then smacked him and called him some choice words. I thought he was talking about me and he wanted me back. He was actually telling me about how he met Midi. I then turned as red as a tomato and handed him a bag of peas for his face. We sat down on my couch and I watched as his eyes lit up when he talked of her short blond hair and, I quote, “Cherub cheeks”. We laughed and he told me she is the one. He will marry her one day. I then called him creepy and cooked the now thawed peas from his face.
Now for a cheesy clincher to end this thing. I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking.
If you’re going to lie, lie for a friend. If you’re going to steal, steal a heart. If you’re going to cheat, cheat death. And if you’re going to drink, drink with me.
ANYWHOO, I think we are pretty much done here. Hopefully this will keep you entertained for a while.
AND one last really random thing.
Listen to this Christmas song. You will cry. It will ruin your life. I cry every time.